Here, there and everywhere: but finally ICI!! ~ Missive 5 ~ Frantic activity in an otherwise peaceful existence!

Dear All

We’re in and waiting to receive our first visitors – Victoria and Dermot who should have come this week, but events conspired against it. However, it has given us time to unload the rather heavily laden van and make various trips to Mr. Bricolage (The DIY store) to get various items and the Electromanger (Electrical store) for our new white goods, including a rather natty five burner portable gas range – the bottle is stored inside!!

We also, on our wedding anniversary signed the contract for renting La Loge , exactly one year on from our first sortie to the Vendée in search for adventures new, and a week after being given the keys, an impossibility without a French cheque book – read on!! And ... the hot news is that madame has changed into monsieur, not by biological means you understand, but appears to have always been so!! The estate agent has little command of English, but in my book this fails to explain this further bit of confusion!!!!

We also have managed, nearly, to get our French cheque book! On our return from England, we had a card notifying us that there was a letter waiting for us to sign for at the local La Poste (Post Office). On fetching it, it contained a card for us to present to the bank as proof that we lived where we said that we did! We hot footed it to the bank, only to be told that still we couldn’t have the cheque book, because they hadn’t had back the letter from the post to say that we had signed for the letter, even though we had, in our grubby little hands, the card that was in the letter, that we could only get if we signed on the dotted line – arrrrrrrrrrgh!!! We are getting quite good at smiling sweetly and saying nothing, whilst screaming inside! Read on!!!!!

It was the start of a potentially disastrous day, as we had to go to another post office to get a refund on our electricity bill, as they had double charged us. We’ll have to watch out as we hadn’t at that time even moved in!! However, despite instructions to return to La Poste, where we had paid the bill, to have the money refunded, the office knew nothing about it and certainly couldn’t give us any money back – the refund has yet to be sorted!! We then went to IKEA in Nantes to buy a couple of wardrobes from their 2009 catalogue, only to circumnavigate the city looking for the large blue and yellow sign, finally stopping at a supermarket to ask instructions, and our first stroke of luck for the day, found a lady in the Espace Cultural (Books, CD’s, Theatre tickets etc.) who spoke perfect English and knew exactly where IKEA was and better still how to get there by car! The luck didn’t last, as the wardrobes were discontinued!! We did however, not waste our visit and came away with a carload of items for the new abode!!We’ll now need two vans when we move next time!!

Attached is the next missive, that I have tried not to make too massive!!

Love and Best Wishes

Roger, Linda and Max, who at the moment is snoring loudly, on one of his many beds, talk about pampered pets – next he’ll want to go to the Chien Toilettage – grooming parlour, of which there are nearly as many as there are coiffures (hairdressers)!!

P.S. Rather late sending as we have fallen out with France Telecom and have not been able to get on line, could be another 4 weeks now!!! More arrrrrrrrgh!!! More I’m sure to follow!!!
We have also had our first two lots of visitors who seemed to go away happy and the next visitors arrive Monday, with visitors and digging the garden and retrieving it from the jungle leaves little time or energy for writing – whoopee I hear you say!!

En France, La Vendée to be precise!!
(As we leave a little bit of Ireland in the Vendée, and yes Tom was delighted with the outcome of the 6 Nations, whilst other friends from across the Severn Bridge were looking for a “twll” (hole) to crawl in to!!), and we move into Chez ‘iggs, and look forward to welcoming our first visitors, the day after we arrive back with the furniture!!)
07759 753892
rogerhiggs@hotmail.co.uk

Mes chers amis (as corrected by my French mistress – Oh la la!!!)

Here, there and everywhere: but finally ICI!! ~ Frantic activity
in an otherwise peaceful existence!

We thought the travelling was over – little did we know, not only did we have to make an extra, unscheduled, journey to England (see below), but we seemed to be quite literally – Here, there and everywhere; seeking out the white goods at the best prices, opening bank accounts, taking out insurance, shopping, booking van hire and finding Internet Wee Fee (Wi-Fi) hotspots to check emails and keep up to date with what was going on with friends and family. The wonders of modern technology have meant that we are quite often to be found outside the church in Chantonnay, early evening, sitting in the car talking animatedly to our computer as we talk to people through Skype. I had wondered if it would look better if we pretended and held a mobile to our ears, but nobody particularly seemed to notice, proposition us or indeed send the police around to investigate, so no doubt until we are connected at Chez ‘iggs, our trips to the car park will continue!!

Chez ‘iggs arrivée

Having seemingly got the okay on the house, our various trips often saw us just happening to drive past the new place, despite it being very off the beaten track and certainly not on route to anywhere!! Indeed, again it was surprising that the police weren’t call to say there was a slow moving turquoise English car repeatedly casing the chateau – would they have believed that we were really looking at the altogether more modest empty servant’s quarters at the end of the chateau drive!!

Each time we drove past the sun seemed to be shining and the wide verge on either side of the road, seemed to proliferate a huge variety of wild flowers, most recognisable, but others unknown to me. On one occasion as Linda, took surreptitious photos of the Chateau security system, no sorry of our soon to be new abode, I decided to walk the dog along the avenue that leads to La Loge, and promptly featured in one of the photos – one man and his dog or too the manor born!!

The sun was shining, warm enough not to need a jumper, as down the quarter mile avenue of mixed trees and a wonderful selection of wild flowers in the hedgerows; campions, white violets en masse, dandelions, primroses, cowslips – the list was endless and the crowning glory seemed to be some sort of wild iris type plant, daffodil-type leaves and a large flower stalk, almost growing as you watched it, topped by a black tangled flower head about to emerge into what – I didn’t know as the flower is unknown to me and also in our travels we have only seen it in one other place – so perhaps a rarity, maybe from where La Loge gets its name!!

Also, I was delighted to see lots of Butcher’s Broom, a plant that I didn’t know until looking it up after a walk with a class of French Schoolchildren when visiting our friends near Brest, in Brittany. The plant has small very tough leaves, not unlike holly but without the spines, just one sharp spike at the end. It was this and the general toughness of the leaf that made it very useful for butchers to clean off their wooden cutting blocks at the end of the day, hence its common name.

But above all, was a great feeling of peace and tranquillity. It just felt right, could things get any better? Certainly we felt that we had arrivée!

The first cut is the deepest! (just another quick snippet, quite literally!!)

Just one of those little amusing cameos on life, when we recently visited nearby Pouzauges, having unsuccessfully visited a couple of estate agents to find they had nowhere suitable on their books for us to view with a possibility to rent. (This is one of those out of sequence pieces that happened before Chez ‘iggs!)

We were hastening back to the car, having very briefly been drawn into the covered market, to view the produce and sniff the fish, those of you who know me well will know that this is a little weakness of mine!!, we almost missed it in the rush. But, there amongst the parade of shops that included; a Tabac, Insurance Office, Flower Shop and Patisserie, was a small tattoo and piercing shop, its slightly set back front window discreetly covered with a blind, that was far from discreetly covered with samples of the available designs and pictures of those piercing that they performed that could be viewed in public!!

Beside the narrow window and lace curtained door stood a large potted evergreen shrub, not unlike a privet, and next to this the even larger black clad tattoo artist who, visibly, had all but run out of available space on which to advertise his art. He stood there, rather self consciously, with his back to the thronging market crowds just across the narrow street, a very small pair of scissors in his hand delicately clipping the odd wayward frond off the shrub and I’m sure hoping that none of his macho, tattooed friends happened to be passing and desperate for the anonymity of dingy shop interior!! I was briefly tempted to comment on what a lovely shrub he had, but my French wasn’t up to it, and he was rather large!!

In the Dog house!!

The unscheduled return to England with the car and not a van for the furniture was, as some of you know, all my fault. Some evenings previously we had been checking the diary and sorting out when we could return to England and fetch some furniture for Chez ‘iggs, and a little niggle entered my head, that was later to develop into a major headache!!

Suddenly, I remembered that my driving licence, which had normally resided rather bulkily in my wallet, it being the old-fashioned paper variety, was not there and although I vaguely remembered removing it to clear out the wallet a little, I couldn’t remember where I had put it and certainly didn’t remember seeing it in the altogether bigger “man-bag” that I tend to carry on such occasions!!

I ventured a rather lame, “I don’t know where my driving licence is!” to Linda who emphatically declared “Well, you better find it!” So the search began, and every nook and cranny in the caravan and car was turned upside down, despite it being dark and cold outside and places already searched, searched again all to no avail. Eventually, tiredness got the better of me and I went to bed only to find that I couldn’t sleep, worrying about where the blessed thing had been put for safe keeping!

After a fitful night, I retraced my steps in daylight, searching everywhere again and even looking in the most unlikely of places, such as the food cupboard and the fridge, more in desperation than in the hope of really finding it. Then after several fruitless searches, the realisation dawned that it certainly wasn’t with us, after all there are only a limited number of places in the car and caravan where a driving licence could be hiding! So what to do, and was the licence safely stored away back in Stroud or had I lost it / had it stolen? It was all rather a dilemma and not a few words were exchanged as to what we could do to find or replace the licence.

Daniel’s help, back in Stroud, was enlisted and he searched in any of the likely places back at our Bath Road house, but still to no avail. It became clear that the only feasible plan was to delay the hiring of the van in France, that we were going to come back to England in to collect our things, come back in the car, find the licence or at least arrange for a new one and then return to France, hire the van and make a second visit very shortly after the first, so as to have everything ready for the imminent arrival of our first visitors! Further problems followed as when we tried to book the van from one of the many local supermarkets that all do van hire, none of them had one available at the required time! Finally, we also needed a French cheque (see below ~ “Which came first the chicken or the egg?) to pay the deposit, but thankfully Tom, our campsite host of a couple of weeks, came to the rescue and offered to hire the van in his name, with his address and with an €800 cheque as surety!! All very generous, but as he jokingly pointed out, we would be leaving the car and caravan at his place, worth considerably more than €800!! However, in the end with the changing dates, the car and caravan were at our new abode, so we left no surety, but still he was only too pleased to come to our aid, for which we were extremely grateful!!

Hence, the unscheduled return, which actually proved to be an added bonus, as we thankfully found, fairly quickly, the licence and then had time to catch up with work colleagues, who we had missed because of the snow on the week of our departure. We also filled the car with some extra items and left Max with my Mum and Dad for a holiday, which avoided too much travelling for him. So I wasn’t sleeping in the kennel for too long!!!

Ferry hoppers ~ the first of two “people watching “
items from our return ferry trip

They swept on with a purpose, middle aged tightly coated couple, his head bare and bald hers covered in a large furry Russian-style hat! Each carried a blanket and a pillow with the gentleman also carrying a rucksack on his back. They nigh on marched to the seats at the front of the salon and promptly disappeared as they spread their blankets on the space in front of the seats and still tightly buttoned up put their heads onto their pillows and didn’t stir until the announcement was made, that we were approaching Dieppe harbour and thank you for sailing with us ......

At this point they were both up, blankets folded and stacked with pillows on a nearby vacant seat, a thermos flask was produced from the rucksack and two china cups were filled with coffee and drunk, leaving just enough time for a trip to the toilet, with wash bags to freshen up, before the announcement came for passengers and drivers to rejoin their vehicles.

Obviously, seasoned and well-practised travellers, intent on sleeping in readiness for the onward journey, and so well sorted out, that I certainly took a leaf out of their book on my next trip, and took a blanket and pillow with me and definitely slept more than on previous journeys!!

There was nothing Conservative about the “lady!”

Their car first came to our attention as we boarded the boat, and whilst everyone else waited in line to be told where to park, this large British Racing Green 4 X 4, several cars in front of us, thought it knew best and tried to push in, only to be firmly stopped by a deckhand and told in no uncertain terms, that on the car deck, they were in charge and people did as they said! They were then ushered none too politely back into the line of traffic ending up parked just in front of us. Inside were a middle aged couple, who rapidly left the car seemingly intent to be the first to get their towels, metaphorically, on the sun loungers, and without becoming too involved in cultural differences – they were English.

I didn’t then give them another thought, although in hindsight I remembered seeing the rather bouffant lady of the car acting rather strangely when seeking out the Ladies, or should that be powder room, as I don’t think the ship’s toilets quite came up to scratch!! That was the last I saw of them until we were coming into the harbour at Dieppe and were asked to return to our cars. As we got back, the lady was already seated in the front of the 4 X 4, the gentleman lurking outside, probably trying to escape the messages and orders that were barked out every-so-often, when the lady thought of something and opened the door and announced her thoughts to the wide world, in a very loud voice that the gentleman seemed quite adept at not registering!! Obviously, a well deserved case of selective hearing!!

Then as vehicles started to move, the passenger door opened more frequently and further ordered were barked from within, including instructions to us to move. I stoically ignored her, waiting to be told by someone in authority as to what to do, and the orders became more frequent but still fell on deaf ears, but eventually the driver did get in the car and start the engine. When finally given the go ahead to leave the boat, by a crew member not the lady in front, we had to carry out a strange manoeuvre, and reverse some way down the car deck before being able to turn and leave, as I set off the 4 X 4 tried to reverse rapidly after me, only to be thwarted by a very nonchalant crew member who walked very slowly after me, his back rather pointedly towards the 4 X 4 only moving aside and signalling them out when he wasn’t big enough to block the exit on his own!

I was all for giving them the benefit of the doubt, and despite being very rude I had wondered if the lady had a phobia of travelling by boat and was desperate to get back on to dry land – it was then I noticed a “Vote Conservative” sticker on the back window and all was explained!! (Sorry Beryl!) Then as I drove down the car ramp and waited at the bottom for a lorry coming out of the deck below, the 4 X 4 undertook me, sped out in front of the lorry and across the dock, leaving me with a disappearing view of the sticker on the other side of the back window saying “Keep Hunting Legal,” so I thought myself lucky to only have had a lashing from her tongue and that she hadn’t taken a riding crop to me!!

I also hoped that customs would stop them and take the car apart, but sadly, at this early hour there were few customs officials in sight, so they were quickly out on to the open road, leapfrogging anything that got in their way, the driver obviously keen not to spend a moment too long in the car with his companion – and just maybe, one of the multitude of speed cameras springing up all over France caught them, not that I’m the vindictive sort!!

Which came first the chicken or the egg?

I have just returned from Fontenay-le-Comte, which will be our nearest large town once we have moved. Here I ventured to explain the “chicken and egg scenario” to a bank employer, who spoke excellent English and had just informed me that “You won’t believe this, as we are a bank, but we can’t take cash!!!”

The cash in question was to pay for contents insurance on the French house and he had asked us for a cheque. I had then told him that although we had a bank account we didn’t have a cheque book, because the bank wouldn’t issue us one until we had an address to send it too, hence the chicken and the egg conversation!! We had then offered to pay on a VISA card but that also was not possible and then we had the conversation about the cash!!

At least, we have taken solace in the fact that when we come to eventually buy a house at least all these little idiosyncrasies will have been ironed out and most importantly we will have the all important French cheque book to pay people money with.

Our first encounter with this strange chicken and egg situation was when the Estate Agent said he would need a French cheque to cover; his fees, the deposit on the house, the first month’s rent and the fees for the notaire acting on behalf of Madame. When we said that we didn’t have a cheque book and couldn’t get one until we were moved in and had an address to send it too this caused a degree of consternation, and although the agent accepted cash, the rest would have to be a cheque. So off we went again from La Châtaigneraie (the Estate Agent) to Fontenay-le-Comte (Bank) and asked the obliging bank employee if they could provide a cheque if we were to give them the money, but no “It is not possible!!” We now hope that we have got around this by a kind friend with a French cheque book writing the cheque in question, we just hope that that doesn’t cause further Gallic shrugs and sharp intakes of breath, with them thinking that we have sub-let as it’s not our name on the cheque!!

Finally, a way was found around the payment of the insurance, a direct debit would be set up and everyone would be happy!, well once the multitude of forms had been signed, this time just a signature, not like when opening a bank account when the 101 signatures all had to be prefaced with a written “Read and Understood” statement, which was incidentally already clearly printed above the signature box! The bank employee was however, beginning to see the funny side and as he straightened up the vast pile of papers that the computer had spewed out, he said “Welcome to France, now we must sign all of these!!” When I retorted with “Just my signature?” he said “Yes, to start with!!”

So that’s all done then, well not exactly, first we have to transfer funds into the French Bank Account to cover the Direct Debit, then to make it all official we have to prove who we are, by taking in our passports and then prove that we are actually renting the house by taking in the contract, which in theory we can’t sign unless we have the insurance!! But Antoine, as he insisted we call him, was beginning to realise our predicament and gave us the necessary papers, provided we return with the relevant documents, in due course. And all we wanted to do was pay the bank for some insurance, which would have been invalid had we made a false statement anyway!!

The bank in the meantime had already seen our passports, but still needed proof of our new address, which even once we had provided it didn’t qualify for the release of our cheque book, for which they were sending around the postman to verify!! Oh, and as it was a joint account they also wanted proof that we are married!!

Again the saving grace is that I was reading a book about living in France last night, or in fact the chapter on dying in France!!, and obtaining a death certificate is relatively easy, and you don’t even have to sign it yourself to confirm that you have read it and understood it!!

Postscript: Having got everything that the Estate Agent wanted us to do; French cheque for deposit and first month’s rent, proof of who we are, proof that we had money and contents insurance ready for the completion of the Inventory and subsequent signing of papers with Madame’s Notaire (Solicitor) – all of which we had to do before there was any possibility of moving in, when we dropped the cheque off we were told that oil was needed to be able to have heating and hot water, and although we were due to get the keys on the day of the inventory, the Notaire was proving difficult to pin down and we might have to sign after we have moved in. When I said we were returning to the UK to pick things up, the day after we moved in, this didn’t seem to be a problem, as long as we signed sometime – so much for all the rushing about getting everything sorted before being able to enter the premises!!

Plus amour et grosse bises!!! (More love and big kisses!!!)

Kind regards, Best Wishes and Love

Roger, Linda and Max ~ (“bring on” Monsieur ou Madame La Poste!!)

And to come next time, who knows but it may contain:
A night in the country / Madame becomes Monsieur / Our first three or so visitors, and ...... who knows what other adventures the new abode will bring!?!