January 24th 2012
Mes chers amis
As Bob Dylan so succinctly puts it, the times they are a changing, and Roger’s monthly missive as you know it and have come to love or loath it, has run its course. But for the flurry of comments in your Christmas cards, and many thanks for those – the cards and the comments! – suggest that my hints in the covering letter of Missive 34, which was so long it probably tried the patience of even my most ardent readers!, mentioning that changes were afoot, stirred some people to make comments along the lines of “We’re enjoying the missives – keep them coming!”
Which, of course puts me in something of a dilemma, as the story that started about four years ago, incidentally on a Thursday in February, has naturally come to an end, and as one of our neighbours said earlier this evening at our Christmas soiree, yes I know this is the January issue, but I’m ahead of myself and the vin chaud has flowed well!!, “do you now feel settled in your new house,” to which we both responded “yes” – so the search has concluded and we’ve arrived at the end, with somewhere to hang the cheese safe and hopefully soon a French apple tree for the Moon Gazing Hare to sit under! And, in a way that’s the dilemma in a nutshell, do you get more of “we painted a wall yellow today”, or “we have finished reroofing the garage” (well ¾ before rain stopped play and Christmas arrived!) which after a bit could be rather repetitive, or do you get more of my “creative urges” that have been increasingly creeping in to the later missives, much to the chagrin of “her indoors” who against the norm, seems to admit to understanding me less the longer we are married, as well as frequently telling me I am becoming madder as time goes by!! Interestingly, as one who has perhaps strived over the years since leaving the “shy and retiring” phase behind, to be at great pains not to be classed as “normal”, whatever that may be, it is indeed music to my ears!
Well, now hearing the collective cries of anguish or celebratory cheers, that’s not actually true, instead there is to be a two for one special offer, with a new improved product!! Instead of one blog there is going to be two!! One will contain the “diary-like” entries, although hopefully not quite as mundane as watching paint dry, a bit of creativity and polemic comment might appear, for as you know I’m always on the lookout for new words and direction, but the second will hopefully satisfy my creative urge, with the two blogs giving people a choice – the mundane day to day, or the flights of fancy of an aging original, imaginative, inspired, artistic, inventive, resourceful, ingenious, innovative, productive (don’t you just love the on-line thesaurus!!) misunderstood madman!!! But then I’m reminded of a Salvador Dali quote “The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.” I rest my case!!
Suffice to say that the latter part of the last paragraph, gives you a small glimpse into what to expect in the other blog – name pending, but I’ll tell you in due course. In fact since I wrote this it has not only been christened but also launched under the title of Roger’s Creative Urge,” as I’ve creatively said “It does what it says on the tin!” That leaves me with one final dilemma, how to keep happy those people who for three years have approached the end of each month, with a heightened sense of expectancy and waited with baited breath for the next email missive or blog entry notification. I’m aware that that may only be one or two of you, but I feel I owe it to my adoring public not to let them down, so “Je vous propose...”
So as you don’t forget us, I will send you each a relatively short email, linking you to the two blogs and updating you on what the month’s offerings are. I will also attach up to two or three of the “articles” that have appeared during the month, a sort of mini-missive if you like, for the busy ones amongst you who understandably don’t have the time to trawl through what have become increasingly lengthy missives – then if the spirit takes you or something catches your eye, and time permits, you can go to the blog for the rest!
Interestingly, I have also had some people think that the hints from previous missives herald some major announcement, such as a move to Outer Mongolian or a new career in Brain Surgery! But, as you see nothing so drastic, just some minor changes to allow me to write and be creative as and when I want, rather than have a frantic rush to meet the 12 midnight deadline on the last day of the month, making sure that “her indoors” has time to proof read the material, or should that be edit!, before it wings its way to you through the ether! Although, I’m now to get a degree of editorial freedom, at least with “Roger’s Creative Urge”, she still wants to vet anything about her – and I’m always so complimentary and loving!!
And, as before if you would rather not receive said emails (and I promise I won’t be offended!) or would like someone else to receive them, just email me and let me know and I’ll do the necessary.
Or as the introduction to the second blog post says:
“Since my first “serious” dip into the written word (there was a trial run a couple of years before, really a glorified “Summer Diary”), a slim volume written in September 1995 for my Mum’s 70th Birthday, entitled “Home for a Week” chronicling our family adventures on St Agnes, part of the Isles of Scilly archipelago, which also contained a number of poems and watercolour illustrations, I have “published” about 14 works, if you include the “It Happened One Thursday in February” missives and blogspot. Only three of these have been properly published; “Moonlit Guruji Travels”, “To Provence and Beyond” and “Feeding Fifty”, the rest printed and spiral bound by my own fair hand. Interestingly, the first blog post on this site “Memories” comes from the “trial run!”
Posts on this blog “Roger’s Creative Urge” will draw on some previously “published” works as well as new material and parts of what I call “works in progress.” This post is from one of the latter about an adventure made to Brazil by myself, my wife and my daughter, to celebrate our 25th Wedding Anniversary, my wife’s 50th Birthday and daughter’s 21st Birthday – quite an auspicious year, as well as the last big holiday before our French Adventure, chronicled at great length in my other blog mentioned above. It will hopefully one day form part of a volume to be known as “Travels with a Mafia Boss, an Amazonian Indian and a KGB Officer”, but the chapter of that name will have to wait for another time – first things first, and first we had to go .............”
So, what will become of some of the regular sections? ......
The House and the Garden! Will be covered by “articles” on the original blog.
Quilleham, Hammquille or Bouhenri This section will appear as clandestine “urges!” happen!
“Ici devant nous!” or “Clever Words” making a return Quite possibly in “It happened one Thursday in February” but who knows – really a case of where and when it fits in and possibly in a different guise!
My original “thought!” Could end up anywhere if I continue to have them!
But, just in case you thought you were getting away too lightly in this the last missive as you have come to know and love them, a final fling as it were!!
The House!
Well, really the garage and more importantly the tegula with a “tile” to tell! These tiles, or tegulae, are part of our house in the Vendée, and may well have been for up to three hundred years! At the moment I’m hoping we have enough, or can acquire some more to be able to complete the reroofing of the garage and barn!! Tiles like this, the same shape and colour, have been used since Roman times, the tapering shape apparently traditionally formed by shaping the flat clay over a thigh, but more of this later! But, it’s amazing that our house has a roof that would have been instantly recognised by someone 2000 years ago, but not sure what they would have made of the lavatorium (toilet) and sudatorium (shower) and other internal fittings!!
I’m sure that in Roman times the shaping of these tiles would have fallen to the woman, so to combat the boredom of removing the old tiles from the roof, I started to give the very different sizes and shapes different names, with due respect to Edward Berryman, who wrote the poem Cotswold Tiles later set to music by Johnny Coppin, immortalising the variety of names given to different sized Cotswold stone tiles, from which the refrain goes:
Long Day, Short Day, Moreday and Muffity,
Here are my names, which I think in most cases are self-explanatory, but pictures can be supplied if needed!!
Lizzie Longstocking ~ thin and long
I’m sure each of these tiles must have “A tile to tell”, so watch this space for future creative urges, which you may have gathered by now coincidentally reflects the title of my new blog: “Roger’s Creative Urge!” Well, I’ve got to do something to relieve the monotony and take my mind of the drop below!
I’m too handsome for direct.gov. uk (or the Passport Office)!
It’s really along the lines of that song by Right Said Fred, “I’m too sexy for my shirt!” but, I’m certainly not that bigheaded, despite the difficulty I have at times walking down the High Street in Stroud and forever having my bottom pinched – yes Brian you know who you are!!
Some of you will be aware that our recent trip to Angleterre, for the festive season, ran on a bit and to update those in the know and inform those of you who aren’t I’ll elaborate. Well, my passport was coming up for renewal in the summer and as Foreign Office advice is not to travel if you have less than six months of your passport to run and also legally needing to carry it all the times in France, as photo ID, we decided I would renew it when back in England for Christmas. Research on the internet suggested that a two to three week stay in the UK should be enough for the renewal and old passport to be sent and returned before travelling back, except at busy times such as the run up to the summer, when everyone suddenly realising that having booked their “run to the sun” they need a passport or their existing one is about to expire. So, with three clear weeks, admittedly with Christmas and New Year slightly in the way, it seemed a reasonably shot and if we missed the target we would have to change our return ferry booking.
We arrived at Daniel’s in Stroud on the Tuesday before Christmas, well in fact in the early hours of Wednesday, Daniel had fortunately been asked to collect a form from the Post Office prior to our arrival. I carefully read the notes on filling in the form for renewing your passport, filled in the three very brief sections and signed the declaration and attached two photos, which seemed to meet all the multitude of requirements and didn’t need signing by someone in authority, as a true likeness to me, as I looked remarkably similar to the previous picture from ten years previously – obviously the last three years have been kind to me and repaired the drawn and haggard features that being a Headteacher had firmly etched onto my visage! Then, bright and early the next morning, or later that morning for the pedantic amongst you!, we were at the main post office in Stroud, ready to catch the first post, which amazingly at 9.30 a.m. had already gone and was also the last post of the day!! Next day delivery, at modest expense, was called for, but as the form really was very straight forward for a simple renewal, we declined the offer of an official P.O. check, at great expense, to check we had signed within the allotted space et al! Secure in the knowledge that the passport would arrive next day, have two clear days to be processed, with a further three days the following week and a further week to be in on the safe side, Linda went to the dentist, we did some last minute Christmas shopping and went to meet up with friends for a coffee and a chat.
The Passport Office provide a email based tracking service, so I was able to confirm it had duly arrived and was being processed, and dismissed the ominous rider that current turnaround times were in excess of three weeks as nothing more than a standard blanket statement.
Christmas came and went, as did the New Year and still the tracking told me I was in the process of being processed – makes you sound a bit like a can of peas!! Then came the bombshell, I was no longer being processed but with a little less than a week to go before departure, my photo had been rejected and a letter was being set to me with stickers that needed to be attached to the envelope containing the new photos, to ensure they arrived on the right desk to speed processing, which could start again on receipt of the new photographs. Well, at this point we were still at my parents and not due to go to Stroud until a couple of days later, on Saturday, when we could pick up the stickers from our house, return the photos and wait for the new passport. First, I phoned the helpdesk and explained I was away from home, needed to travel as soon as possible, and was there any way I could return the photos without the stickers. As the answer to this was a no, they might end up going anywhere and taking a while to surface (instils confidence in our great British government!) we then rebooked the ferry for a week later, giving us time to pick up the stickers on Saturday, get the photos back in the post and give the Passport Office a further week to do its best! The helpline did however, reassure me that the photos were the last thing to be checked so everything else must have been alright, and I wouldn’t get any further delay.
Saturday came but the letter wasn’t there, so we ended up having to wait until Monday, fortunately our tenants were in on Monday so we didn’t have to wait for the evening, before despatching the photos in the box outside the sorting office with multiple and frequent collections throughout the day! All eventualities covered but about a week before our new sailing, once more the waiting and tracking started, and amazingly by the Thursday I had been processed and dispatched and needed to allow up to four to five days not including Sunday for courier delivery, which on the face of it was potentially two days too little! But, someone was on our side as the passport arrived on the Monday in time for us to get the rebooked night crossing from Portsmouth later that evening – drama over or so we thought! Suffice to say that about an hour out from Le Havre, the ship’s power went off and just emergency lighting took over and after a while the Captain announced that although we were safe, something he was at pains to reiterate several times, it being just a few days after the terrible cruise liner tragedy in the Mediterranean, we were drifting whilst the engineers tried to rectify the power problem that had caused the engine to stop!! Repairs were not immediately forthcoming so we ended up dropping anchor and arriving some two and a half hours late but safe.
Oh, and I nearly forgot, why did the passport photo not meet the statutory requirements? I’d like you to believe that the passport office just couldn’t believe I was so handsome, until they’d had a further photo to prove it, but in reality it was because my head was too big!! You can imagine what ‘er indoors made of that, but maybe, that was just their excuse! What had perhaps made us come unstuck was that we had used a French photo booth, with no idiot guide to where to put your head, eyes etc!!
Just to wind up, the new passport is a new generation digital version, with improved security features that interestingly seem to nigh on obliterate the small headed picture of me, but apparently modern technology can bring up a full sided, large headed version of my digital photo simply by inserting it into a computer gadget and then they can see me in all my splendour – warts and all!!! As happens, I also got my old passport back, with various corners cut off to show it had terminated, but on flicking through it, I was amazed at all the stamps and visa it included: New York City, Malta, India, Brazil and Argentina, and each of those places have had stories to tell, some already “published” others waiting for the “Urge” to grab me!!
Oh! and, a final “Original Thought” or two!!:
A good friend once said to me “Life’s too short for stuffing mushrooms!” But, “I’d rather cook an omelette or even stuff mushrooms than cook the books!” For those in the know think LMS et al!!
“Intercourse is more rife in France than in England!” Social intercourse that is – bonjours et ca va’s and multiple kisses for everyone vs snatched ‘ellos, alrights and curt nods, if you’re lucky or know the person extremely well!! Kissing does however present something of a problem, not only who to kiss but how many and which cheek to start on. I usually go for two starting on the recipient’s right cheek, but occasionally sense that it should have been three. Four it seems is reserved for family members or very good friends, unless with them French Kissing is the order of the day, and any more seems to be for Parisians – hiss, spit ...... as they do in these parts at the mention of anyone from Paris!!
Perhaps the thought above, reflects a different attitude to family life in France, where the in-laws are called “belle-famille!”
I’ll monitor how things go and may make changes over time, and in the meantime would welcome any suggestions, preferably polite!, as to what improvements / changes people would like to see or general comments on the new format. Or ...... indeed it would be good just to hear from you and catch up on your news and “bookings” are being taken for 2012 and you don’t need to bring a paintbrush – honest!!! Unless of course you are feeling creative and want to capture the tranquillity of our new hamlet in a painting!!
Dear All
Happy New Year and all the best for 2012
Attached is the latest and alas last missive, in the present format! Open it up and all will be revealed, and the changes alluded to in the last couple of emails explained.
Love
Roger
rogerhiggs@hotmail.co.uk “The times they are a changing!!” ~ Missive 36
Bob Dylan
“We see the brightness of a new page where everything yet can happen.”
Rainer Maria Rilke - Book of Hours
Rainer Maria Rilke - Book of Hours
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)
“For last year's words belong to last year's language and next year's words await another voice.”
T S Eliot (1888-1965)
Which, of course puts me in something of a dilemma, as the story that started about four years ago, incidentally on a Thursday in February, has naturally come to an end, and as one of our neighbours said earlier this evening at our Christmas soiree, yes I know this is the January issue, but I’m ahead of myself and the vin chaud has flowed well!!, “do you now feel settled in your new house,” to which we both responded “yes” – so the search has concluded and we’ve arrived at the end, with somewhere to hang the cheese safe and hopefully soon a French apple tree for the Moon Gazing Hare to sit under! And, in a way that’s the dilemma in a nutshell, do you get more of “we painted a wall yellow today”, or “we have finished reroofing the garage” (well ¾ before rain stopped play and Christmas arrived!) which after a bit could be rather repetitive, or do you get more of my “creative urges” that have been increasingly creeping in to the later missives, much to the chagrin of “her indoors” who against the norm, seems to admit to understanding me less the longer we are married, as well as frequently telling me I am becoming madder as time goes by!! Interestingly, as one who has perhaps strived over the years since leaving the “shy and retiring” phase behind, to be at great pains not to be classed as “normal”, whatever that may be, it is indeed music to my ears!
Hey, but this is all in danger of becoming rather maudlin, and after a very pleasant evening, admittedly the numbers rather reduced by the previous night’s storm; we were expecting about 19 people but many had spent a tiring day repairing the damage from the fierce winds and lashing rain of last night, and others were sadly struck down by seasonal ailments, such as one of our other neighbours who gave her apologies and said she was “cronky!” This meant we had only 4 (our immediate neighbours), but on the positive side meant we had lots to eat and drink!! We also had a most enjoyable three hours of craic and Christmas songs, in our recently finished lounge (with tiled floor, magnolia walls, painted wooden ceiling ...... – see what I mean!!), despite the original invitation being for an hour or so of Christmas songs outside under our outside lantern – the inclement weather put pay to that and we moved inside. For the record, the craic was exclusively in French, our English friends unable to come and the songs in a mixture of English and French with almost a bit of patois thrown in!!
But back to the maudlin, and using the computer’s thesaurus for another word, I’m amused to read an alternative word “sentimental,” with the rider “especially because affected by alcohol!!!” Which in true “creative urge” fashion links superbly with an obituary I have just been reading, on the BBC News Website, for Christopher Hitchens, maverick polemical (yes, I had to look that one up too – it means passionate arguementalist or critic – I’ve warmed to the man already but sadly he’s no longer with us!) journalist. One paragraph says: Wherever he was, he wrote and argued, smoked and drank prodigiously. Writing in Vanity Fair in 2003, he described his daily intake of alcohol as being enough "to kill or stun the average mule", noting that many great writers "did some of their finest work when blotto". So it might be the alcohol talking, although mulling the wine I’m told does do away with the alcohol, but there was also a bottle of Stroud Brewery “Budding” and the whisky came out as a digestif, much to the amusement of our guests, as in France its drunk copiously as an apertitif!! But, finally, I’m there after some 165,000 words, (top of the list of Lee Masterson’s Approximate Guideline for story lengths: Epics and Sequels – Over 110,000 words) – This is to be the last missive!!!
Well, now hearing the collective cries of anguish or celebratory cheers, that’s not actually true, instead there is to be a two for one special offer, with a new improved product!! Instead of one blog there is going to be two!! One will contain the “diary-like” entries, although hopefully not quite as mundane as watching paint dry, a bit of creativity and polemic comment might appear, for as you know I’m always on the lookout for new words and direction, but the second will hopefully satisfy my creative urge, with the two blogs giving people a choice – the mundane day to day, or the flights of fancy of an aging original, imaginative, inspired, artistic, inventive, resourceful, ingenious, innovative, productive (don’t you just love the on-line thesaurus!!) misunderstood madman!!! But then I’m reminded of a Salvador Dali quote “The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad.” I rest my case!!
Suffice to say that the latter part of the last paragraph, gives you a small glimpse into what to expect in the other blog – name pending, but I’ll tell you in due course. In fact since I wrote this it has not only been christened but also launched under the title of Roger’s Creative Urge,” as I’ve creatively said “It does what it says on the tin!” That leaves me with one final dilemma, how to keep happy those people who for three years have approached the end of each month, with a heightened sense of expectancy and waited with baited breath for the next email missive or blog entry notification. I’m aware that that may only be one or two of you, but I feel I owe it to my adoring public not to let them down, so “Je vous propose...”
So as you don’t forget us, I will send you each a relatively short email, linking you to the two blogs and updating you on what the month’s offerings are. I will also attach up to two or three of the “articles” that have appeared during the month, a sort of mini-missive if you like, for the busy ones amongst you who understandably don’t have the time to trawl through what have become increasingly lengthy missives – then if the spirit takes you or something catches your eye, and time permits, you can go to the blog for the rest!
Interestingly, I have also had some people think that the hints from previous missives herald some major announcement, such as a move to Outer Mongolian or a new career in Brain Surgery! But, as you see nothing so drastic, just some minor changes to allow me to write and be creative as and when I want, rather than have a frantic rush to meet the 12 midnight deadline on the last day of the month, making sure that “her indoors” has time to proof read the material, or should that be edit!, before it wings its way to you through the ether! Although, I’m now to get a degree of editorial freedom, at least with “Roger’s Creative Urge”, she still wants to vet anything about her – and I’m always so complimentary and loving!!
And, as before if you would rather not receive said emails (and I promise I won’t be offended!) or would like someone else to receive them, just email me and let me know and I’ll do the necessary.
So from now on (here also are the links!):
will continue to give you updates on our life in France, and be known as “It happened!” for short. And:
which as I said above does, or in this case contains, what it says on the "tin!" and be known as “the Urge!” for short.
Or as the introduction to the second blog post says:
“Since my first “serious” dip into the written word (there was a trial run a couple of years before, really a glorified “Summer Diary”), a slim volume written in September 1995 for my Mum’s 70th Birthday, entitled “Home for a Week” chronicling our family adventures on St Agnes, part of the Isles of Scilly archipelago, which also contained a number of poems and watercolour illustrations, I have “published” about 14 works, if you include the “It Happened One Thursday in February” missives and blogspot. Only three of these have been properly published; “Moonlit Guruji Travels”, “To Provence and Beyond” and “Feeding Fifty”, the rest printed and spiral bound by my own fair hand. Interestingly, the first blog post on this site “Memories” comes from the “trial run!”
Posts on this blog “Roger’s Creative Urge” will draw on some previously “published” works as well as new material and parts of what I call “works in progress.” This post is from one of the latter about an adventure made to Brazil by myself, my wife and my daughter, to celebrate our 25th Wedding Anniversary, my wife’s 50th Birthday and daughter’s 21st Birthday – quite an auspicious year, as well as the last big holiday before our French Adventure, chronicled at great length in my other blog mentioned above. It will hopefully one day form part of a volume to be known as “Travels with a Mafia Boss, an Amazonian Indian and a KGB Officer”, but the chapter of that name will have to wait for another time – first things first, and first we had to go .............”
As a quick aside to this last point, the title of the Brazil Book could cause a flurry of activity, as my blogspot stats tell me I have quite a following in Russia, as well as visitors from countries as diverse as the USA (the largest number of views), the Netherlands, Slovenia, Iran and Chile, to name a few!!
So, what will become of some of the regular sections? ......
The House and the Garden! Will be covered by “articles” on the original blog.
Quilleham, Hammquille or Bouhenri This section will appear as clandestine “urges!” happen!
“Ici devant nous!” or “Clever Words” making a return Quite possibly in “It happened one Thursday in February” but who knows – really a case of where and when it fits in and possibly in a different guise!
My original “thought!” Could end up anywhere if I continue to have them!
But, just in case you thought you were getting away too lightly in this the last missive as you have come to know and love them, a final fling as it were!!
The House!
Well, really the garage and more importantly the tegula with a “tile” to tell! These tiles, or tegulae, are part of our house in the Vendée, and may well have been for up to three hundred years! At the moment I’m hoping we have enough, or can acquire some more to be able to complete the reroofing of the garage and barn!! Tiles like this, the same shape and colour, have been used since Roman times, the tapering shape apparently traditionally formed by shaping the flat clay over a thigh, but more of this later! But, it’s amazing that our house has a roof that would have been instantly recognised by someone 2000 years ago, but not sure what they would have made of the lavatorium (toilet) and sudatorium (shower) and other internal fittings!!
I’m sure that in Roman times the shaping of these tiles would have fallen to the woman, so to combat the boredom of removing the old tiles from the roof, I started to give the very different sizes and shapes different names, with due respect to Edward Berryman, who wrote the poem Cotswold Tiles later set to music by Johnny Coppin, immortalising the variety of names given to different sized Cotswold stone tiles, from which the refrain goes:
Long Day, Short Day, Moreday and Muffity,
Lye-byes and Bottomers, each a name receives:
Wivett, Beck, and Cussomes, Cutting, Third and Bachelor
Smallest under roof-ledge, largest over eaves.
Wivett, Beck, and Cussomes, Cutting, Third and Bachelor
Smallest under roof-ledge, largest over eaves.
Lizzie Longstocking ~ thin and long
Big Bertha ~ broad, heavy but not that long
Leggie Linda ~ long and average width
Plain Jane ~ plain, quite small modern replicas
Ridged Rita ~ similar to Plain Janes but ridged underneath
Ridged Rita ~ similar to Plain Janes but ridged underneath
Knobbly Nora ~ long and fairly thin but a knobbly knee at the end
Short Sharon ~ like a Big Bertha but lighter
American Broad ~ broad, long and brash
Boudicca ~ heavy and immense
Boudicca ~ heavy and immense
I’m sure each of these tiles must have “A tile to tell”, so watch this space for future creative urges, which you may have gathered by now coincidentally reflects the title of my new blog: “Roger’s Creative Urge!” Well, I’ve got to do something to relieve the monotony and take my mind of the drop below!
I’m too handsome for direct.gov. uk (or the Passport Office)!
It’s really along the lines of that song by Right Said Fred, “I’m too sexy for my shirt!” but, I’m certainly not that bigheaded, despite the difficulty I have at times walking down the High Street in Stroud and forever having my bottom pinched – yes Brian you know who you are!!
Some of you will be aware that our recent trip to Angleterre, for the festive season, ran on a bit and to update those in the know and inform those of you who aren’t I’ll elaborate. Well, my passport was coming up for renewal in the summer and as Foreign Office advice is not to travel if you have less than six months of your passport to run and also legally needing to carry it all the times in France, as photo ID, we decided I would renew it when back in England for Christmas. Research on the internet suggested that a two to three week stay in the UK should be enough for the renewal and old passport to be sent and returned before travelling back, except at busy times such as the run up to the summer, when everyone suddenly realising that having booked their “run to the sun” they need a passport or their existing one is about to expire. So, with three clear weeks, admittedly with Christmas and New Year slightly in the way, it seemed a reasonably shot and if we missed the target we would have to change our return ferry booking.
We arrived at Daniel’s in Stroud on the Tuesday before Christmas, well in fact in the early hours of Wednesday, Daniel had fortunately been asked to collect a form from the Post Office prior to our arrival. I carefully read the notes on filling in the form for renewing your passport, filled in the three very brief sections and signed the declaration and attached two photos, which seemed to meet all the multitude of requirements and didn’t need signing by someone in authority, as a true likeness to me, as I looked remarkably similar to the previous picture from ten years previously – obviously the last three years have been kind to me and repaired the drawn and haggard features that being a Headteacher had firmly etched onto my visage! Then, bright and early the next morning, or later that morning for the pedantic amongst you!, we were at the main post office in Stroud, ready to catch the first post, which amazingly at 9.30 a.m. had already gone and was also the last post of the day!! Next day delivery, at modest expense, was called for, but as the form really was very straight forward for a simple renewal, we declined the offer of an official P.O. check, at great expense, to check we had signed within the allotted space et al! Secure in the knowledge that the passport would arrive next day, have two clear days to be processed, with a further three days the following week and a further week to be in on the safe side, Linda went to the dentist, we did some last minute Christmas shopping and went to meet up with friends for a coffee and a chat.
The Passport Office provide a email based tracking service, so I was able to confirm it had duly arrived and was being processed, and dismissed the ominous rider that current turnaround times were in excess of three weeks as nothing more than a standard blanket statement.
Christmas came and went, as did the New Year and still the tracking told me I was in the process of being processed – makes you sound a bit like a can of peas!! Then came the bombshell, I was no longer being processed but with a little less than a week to go before departure, my photo had been rejected and a letter was being set to me with stickers that needed to be attached to the envelope containing the new photos, to ensure they arrived on the right desk to speed processing, which could start again on receipt of the new photographs. Well, at this point we were still at my parents and not due to go to Stroud until a couple of days later, on Saturday, when we could pick up the stickers from our house, return the photos and wait for the new passport. First, I phoned the helpdesk and explained I was away from home, needed to travel as soon as possible, and was there any way I could return the photos without the stickers. As the answer to this was a no, they might end up going anywhere and taking a while to surface (instils confidence in our great British government!) we then rebooked the ferry for a week later, giving us time to pick up the stickers on Saturday, get the photos back in the post and give the Passport Office a further week to do its best! The helpline did however, reassure me that the photos were the last thing to be checked so everything else must have been alright, and I wouldn’t get any further delay.
Saturday came but the letter wasn’t there, so we ended up having to wait until Monday, fortunately our tenants were in on Monday so we didn’t have to wait for the evening, before despatching the photos in the box outside the sorting office with multiple and frequent collections throughout the day! All eventualities covered but about a week before our new sailing, once more the waiting and tracking started, and amazingly by the Thursday I had been processed and dispatched and needed to allow up to four to five days not including Sunday for courier delivery, which on the face of it was potentially two days too little! But, someone was on our side as the passport arrived on the Monday in time for us to get the rebooked night crossing from Portsmouth later that evening – drama over or so we thought! Suffice to say that about an hour out from Le Havre, the ship’s power went off and just emergency lighting took over and after a while the Captain announced that although we were safe, something he was at pains to reiterate several times, it being just a few days after the terrible cruise liner tragedy in the Mediterranean, we were drifting whilst the engineers tried to rectify the power problem that had caused the engine to stop!! Repairs were not immediately forthcoming so we ended up dropping anchor and arriving some two and a half hours late but safe.
Oh, and I nearly forgot, why did the passport photo not meet the statutory requirements? I’d like you to believe that the passport office just couldn’t believe I was so handsome, until they’d had a further photo to prove it, but in reality it was because my head was too big!! You can imagine what ‘er indoors made of that, but maybe, that was just their excuse! What had perhaps made us come unstuck was that we had used a French photo booth, with no idiot guide to where to put your head, eyes etc!!
Just to wind up, the new passport is a new generation digital version, with improved security features that interestingly seem to nigh on obliterate the small headed picture of me, but apparently modern technology can bring up a full sided, large headed version of my digital photo simply by inserting it into a computer gadget and then they can see me in all my splendour – warts and all!!! As happens, I also got my old passport back, with various corners cut off to show it had terminated, but on flicking through it, I was amazed at all the stamps and visa it included: New York City, Malta, India, Brazil and Argentina, and each of those places have had stories to tell, some already “published” others waiting for the “Urge” to grab me!!
Oh! and, a final “Original Thought” or two!!:
A good friend once said to me “Life’s too short for stuffing mushrooms!” But, “I’d rather cook an omelette or even stuff mushrooms than cook the books!” For those in the know think LMS et al!!
“Intercourse is more rife in France than in England!” Social intercourse that is – bonjours et ca va’s and multiple kisses for everyone vs snatched ‘ellos, alrights and curt nods, if you’re lucky or know the person extremely well!! Kissing does however present something of a problem, not only who to kiss but how many and which cheek to start on. I usually go for two starting on the recipient’s right cheek, but occasionally sense that it should have been three. Four it seems is reserved for family members or very good friends, unless with them French Kissing is the order of the day, and any more seems to be for Parisians – hiss, spit ...... as they do in these parts at the mention of anyone from Paris!!
Perhaps the thought above, reflects a different attitude to family life in France, where the in-laws are called “belle-famille!”
**********************************************
With Kind regards, Best Wishes and Love, at the end of an era!!!!!!!
Roger and Linda
And, to follow ...... Watch this space! – you didn’t think you had got away with it that lightly!
