Down our street ~ Missive 18

29 May 2010

Dear All

Hopefully you will find Missive 18 attached, again with a theme!!

Tidying up and getting ready for our next visitors – Chris, Chris and Sara, who as I write this should just be disembarking at Le Havre, ready to hit the road and be here for supper.

So, no time for any more, other than to apologise as 18 is a bit heavy in places, so my greatest critic tells me!!

Love

Roger

rogerhiggs@hotmail.co.uk

Mes chers amis

Down our Street ~ Missive 18

To Max ~ 10th November 1994 – 5th May 2010 ~ with love.

The theme idea is continuing, but hopefully dedicating the missives to a loved one who is no longer with us won’t be a regular occurrence! The theme this time returns to a couple of things, amongst others, that have appeared previously – nature and Max, and I make no apologies for either and as you will see they become inextricably linked! Initially, the worst thing about Max’s death was that we didn’t have anything to do – no job to go to!, to take our minds off it and to start with, it was very hard and “our street” was very quiet. So we set to and started to fill in the French tax forms – complicated or what, in technical French with no English translations available and hefty fines for not declaring things and returning them late, and then we argued!! I even questioned whether I would ever start the next missive as the gap he has left seemed so large, and we continued to listen for him as; he came in from the garden over the gravel sitting area dragging his weak right leg, barking at passing aircraft and wondering why, like tractors and La Poste, they didn’t pass the end of the drive and need chasing down the road, the clicking of his nails as we went to make a coffee and he had to check out the kitchen – ever hopeful for a crumb or a crust!, or simply snoring loudly with the odd wouf when the dream required it, in the corner behind Linda’s chair!! (Whilst thinking about nails and kitchens, the Barbie Dolls and Chilli Pasta mentioned as possibilities for this missive will have to wait!!)

Isn’t it strange how so often in such situations things conspire to remind you of what has happened! The day Max died we sat down for our evening meal and as we pushed the food around the plate, not really feeling much like eating, and as we toasted Max the digital picture frame loaded with numerous family pictures and on random play, selected the three main pictures of Max that are on it, one after the other: Him lying down looking out to sea at the Turk’s Head on St Agnes in the Isles of Scilly, asleep in the hot sunshine outside La Loge last summer and curled up in the corner of my Mum and Dad’s caravan when we were visiting Victoria in Plymouth. Then, everywhere we went over the next few days, there were Max look-a-likes or distant “sound-a-like” barks, and large glaring adverts for pet food or unrelated items like yoghurts which featured cuddly dogs.

The book I was reading, an autobiography about Julie Walters had a chapter about her pet dogs and their little idiosyncrasies, a pop up on my computer screen advertised dog’s for adoption and the Caravan Club magazine I opened, it being hard to concentrate on one thing for long had both a full page advert for pet insurance and the winning entries of last month’s best pet photographs – mostly dogs – held to celebrate National Pet month! But, that’s where nature comes in, as I’m sure surrounded as we are by the most staggering flora and fauna, with seemingly almost daily surprises, such as the large yellow twin winged damsel fly that decided the other evening to fly somewhat erratically around the yard whilst we were having our tea, occasionally lining up over the road and flying at us full speed, like a strafing raid, quite literally making us duck!! It’s these little glimpses of nature and the whole wonderful world around us that have seemed to have a real healing effect, that I’m not sure would have been the same if we were still working, but more of that below!


Thank you for the day ~ Associations

I can’t hear the song “Thank you for the Day” without associating it with a dear, sadly departed colleague – it was chosen by her husband to play at her funeral.

2010 hasn’t exactly started as we would have liked, with numerous bereavements of family, friends, friend’s families or acquaintances, but it has got me thinking about a phenomenon, which may be exclusive to me – I don’t know! When, I was living in Stroud and regularly walking Max on Rodborough Common, often late into the night or even the wee small hours, we would often stop for a rest and a look at the view, well Max would look at the view once I’d found a biscuit in my pocket and woe betide me if I’d forgotten them, he’d point blank refuse to admire the view!! I found this time of quiet reflection particularly comforting at times of loss, some people turn to the church, others including me turn to the wonders of nature and its healing power. Interestingly I recently read a book (The Apple Tree, a novel by Elvi Rhodes) that talked about the “architecture of trees” particularly in winter when you could clearly see from the supporting trunk to the smallest of twigs, but then said “a beauty hidden in summer,” which reminded me that I have often said that the woods and trees are my “church.” I even went as far as having an imaginary map of the various seats scattered across the common, in many cases put there by families in memory of loved ones, and I used different seats for different people, and thought about that particular person, in between nudges from a wet nose wondering if I had any more biscuits!

But back to my phenomenon! It’s all down to associations and when I’m doing something quite obscure or mundane, or someone says something, I’m reminded of “absent friends.” The list of these associations is lengthy, but here is just a flavour of some of them:
• Chopping vegetables I think about the same colleague mentioned above.
• Sawing wood with a cross cut saw, making sure that my first finger points along the handle, reminds me of my Nans – she taught me to use a saw!
• Someone pinching a tasty morsel of food that falls on the table from someone’s plate reminds me of my Grannie – for one so old she could certainly move very fast when it came to doing this, and it was straight into the mouth with a giggle. The first cuckoo of spring also reminds me of her as I clearly heard one in the churchyard during her funeral – in February!
• Pudding time in our household is often “Spoons up dig in!” courtesy of my Auntie Auds.
• Talk of touching your toes reminds me of my Auntie Biddy, who despite being a rather large lady, could still touch her toes – she proved it when I visited her once!
• Similarly, I shall never hear talk about lap dancing without thinking of Aunt Marg, no she wasn’t a lap dancer, but late one night during one of our camping family weekends, where the wine was flowing freely the tent pole was nearby and she nearly became one!
• Squeaking taps always make me think of Linda’s Dad, as just after I had done it properly and asked him if I could marry Linda, the bathroom tap squeaked and talk of marriage was forgotten as he uttered “That bloody tap!” Fortunately, he had said yes just before!
• Mills and Boon books remind me of Linda’s Mum, I think she had every one ever published; it’s amazing how many stories can be concocted from just eight standard plots!!

The list simply goes on – Rabbit pie and hot coffee, Linda’s Nan, Race walking - her husband (still going strong and winning when ninety and blind, missed the finish line but found the bar afterwards!), Plastic models of the Virgin Mary, Linda’s other Nan who had several in her front room, Dugati motorbikes, one of my governors from Uplands (the first funeral I had been to of someone younger than me) ......

Now, the latest is strangely when I’ve finished in the bathroom at night and I open the door to go to bed. I still expect Max to be waiting outside, being deaf it was the waft of air that made him jump, as best he could at his age and then fussing to go out for a final cock of the leg, knowing that “B & B” was to follow shortly. Indeed, so excited was he about “biscuits and bed” that sometimes he had to be reminded of why he went into the garden last thing at night!!

Nature Cure

I’ve pinched this sub-title from a book by Richard Mabey, written by him as part of the healing process after he fell into a bout of severe depression culminating in a breakdown. I mentioned above that I had thought that this missive might never happen, but three things came together to first give me food for thought, then inspiration as to where this missive was going. In my loo I have a pile of magazines, a folder of cuttings I have saved to read later and I was in the process of reading Nature Cure when it all came together. First there was an article in Natural World Magazine published by The Wildlife Trusts, about “Why children need nature,” then there was a newspaper cutting from the start of the year looking at the concept of “New year Resolutions” and finally the book.

First the article, and it initially struck a chord for a totally different reason and will rear its head again, when finally Barbie Dolls get an airing – but that’s a case of wait and see. For the purposes of now, it was the box at the end of the article containing various figures and a number of snippets – or do we call those “sound bites” now!?! The figures are in a section entitled “Nature vs concrete” headed with the following quote from Dr William Bird, Natural England’s Health Advisor – itself an interesting role within an organisation set up to “conserve and enhance the natural environment, for its intrinsic value, the wellbeing and enjoyment of people and the economic prosperity that it brings.” So not just about nature conservation, but this in a wider context of people and money to put it bluntly: “Increasing evidence suggests that both physical and mental health are improved through contact with nature. Yet people are having less contact with nature than at any other time in the past. This has to change!” The figures then cover a range of issues but four that jump out are: 50% Reduction in vandalism and domestic violence in families in tower blocks which have views of vegetation, compared to identical blocks without, £11.8bn, Cost of mental illness to NHS, local authorities and carers in 2002/3, 20% Improvement in self-discipline in children whose homes have views of trees and vegetation outside, and 90% Increase in people meeting and talking in green space compared to barren space. (All from a report by Dr Bird, called Natural Thinking, 2006 http://tinyurl.com/a6hwx7) Quotes from the same report follow with the title Nature and ..., the most pertinent her being Health “Hospital patients with views of nature need fewer painkillers following operation.” “Elderly people with easy access to nature are much happier with their quality of life than those in treeless, urban environments.” Aggression “Several studies show that nature can reduce aggression, possibly due to a restorative process in the brain.” and Stress “In tests of stressed students shown videos of shopping centres, traffic and nature, the nature videos reduced blood pressure and muscle tension far more quickly, and to a much lower level.”

Then, the newspaper cutting with the lengthy title (Linda’s always complaining about the length of some of my titles so not sure what she would make of this one, particularly as the article underneath it was less than a third of a page, with a picture taking up nearly a third of the article!!): “A simple thought for the New Year: spend more time appreciating nature, and you will find life wonderful.” (Life Class by Lesley Garner, Daily Telegraph 5th Jan 2010). Strangely, little of the article covers what the title would have you believe (Linda might also say that about some of my writings!!), much of it talking about perfection and then the lack of it that makes us undertake an “annual bout of self-flagellation,” or the making of New Year Resolutions! However, it finally gets on to “appreciating nature” bit, with the author making a resolution to take their camera with them wherever they go, to build a visual diary that confirms that “everyday life is beautiful and extraordinary.” They continue by saying “The way to reawaken wonder is to walk the worlds without expectation or prejudice. If you increase the amount of time you spend on appreciating nature and pay attention, I guarantee that you will find life wonderful. With my camera in my hand, I have become alert to the constant changes in light and colour that animate even the least promising city street. When it rains instead of grumbling, I cheer up because I know that magical new reflections are waiting for me.” “If you go dog-walking or bird-watching or gardening, you are carrying a freedom pass to wonder that never runs out. ........ If you’re fed up, go for a walk. That covers most things.” I couldn’t agree more, it certainly works for me!!

And finally, the book – Nature Cure by Richard Mabey (ISBN 1-8441-3096-7). This chronicles very eloquently how it worked for him, although it did involve a move from “down his street,” - the woods of the Chiltern Hills, to pastures new - the flatlands of Norfolk, where “Richard Mabey found exhilaration in discovering a whole new landscape and gained fresh insights into our place in nature.” As I read the book I can relate to why it worked for him, and just how powerful the natural environment can be.

The point? Quite simply that living where we do, surrounded by the most beautiful countryside and amazing and privileged glimpses of nature have made it possible to write this missive, particularly the bits about Max.

Further Past Times and Ricky Nelson

Now where did I get to with my imaginary reminiscences of the return of the Count in times gone by? Oh yes we covered the large staff awaiting the arrival of the Count, the hustle and bustle of the extensive kitchen garden and the farmyard and greniers (attics) for the storage of produce for the big house.

In addition to these there would have been the Home Farm with its Farm Manager, another bustling farm yard and extensive fields, dwindled now to a mere 200 acres but previously considerably more. This land would have throughout the year been a hive of activity, producing more food: wheat, mogettes (local beans), meat and fodder for the cattle and any other livestock, as well as continuing the seasonal activities of hedging, ditching, coppicing, and hunting and I’m sure some I’ve forgotten. There would also have been the Park to look after and provide a suitable area for the family to “walk out” and relax in relative privacy, although I’m sure that the woodland was also managed to provide timber for work around the estate, but also fuel for winter heating and for use in the kitchen – the hub of the house, “below stairs,” ruled over by the cook / housekeeper and butler, who between them would keep order amongst the other staff, and ensure the smooth running of the household – meals ready on time and served correctly, bedrooms aired and ready for use with beds turned down and hot water bottles filled during the winter months, and everywhere generally kept spick and span for the family and any visitors they might have.

The ornamental gardens would need tending for the family to enjoy, as well as providing a supply of fresh flowers to adorn the chateau rooms “above the stairs.” Maybe the gardeners would have lodged in the extensive attics above the stables, with the stable hands, in the two large stables blocks that make up two sides of the extensive stable block, the third side taken up with one of three lakes in the park, for recreation, fish stocks and water for irrigation. The final side has the back entrance to the stable yard, the tradesman’s entrance for the farrier, horse feed and anything else to come in that didn’t warrant the front drive. But in one of the stable blocks a large arch, with doors on one side, gave access to the front drive and allowed the horses or carriages to pass through once the family had been dropped off, in time to get ready, perhaps with the help of a maid for luncheon or dinner depending on the time of day.

And, it’s through the front gates, off the avenue, and the second gates allowing access over the moat and into the inner sanctum, that the Count still enters but without the due ceremony of yesteryear, indeed he drives himself in his Ford Mondeo and has to get out and open the gates himself, with no line of staff, in fact no staff at all to greet his arrival. As we get towards June, we are once more awaiting his arrival, for him to prepare the gîte, taking up about an eighth of the stable block and the only part of the stable now in use, with entry by the tradesman’s entry, and to be here to welcome his guests during the summer months. So we are looking forward to welcoming him and his constant companion – Tootoon his faithful hound back “home” and wonder what conversations and hilarity this visit will bring!!

If his last visit is anything to go by, there’ll me many a sore side as we exchange light hearted banter amongst the serious in depth discussions about religion, politics, crime and English tea! As his previous visit, to inspect the damage caused by the Tempest “Cynthia” in February was close to the General Election in England, (Oh No! I was trying to avoid unnatural disasters, but I guess commiserations are in order – not only to David Drew, do Stroud really know what they have done?, but also the country as a whole and I wonder how many other people will now take our lead and flee the country!! Certainly, from where I’m sitting Cameron and Clegg – strictly alphabetical you understand! – make strange bedfellows, and will hopefully not prove to be the comic Victorian Music Hall act that they sound like. Now that’s got that of my chest!!) conversation obviously turned to politics! He also, explained to us that it was necessary for him to return and ensure that his best interests were looked after when it came to disposing of the large amount of timber from the storm damaged trees, after all as he said once more “Whilst the cat’s away, the mice will dance!” This then led us on to a “thesaurus moment” when Monsieur, with his love and indeed proficiency of languages decided to compile a list of “mice” who would be queuing up to perpetrate the crime of wood rustling – vagabonds, thieves, scoundrels, villains, robbers, rogues, lowlife, pilferer, bandits, outlaws, marauders, to which later in the week, to much merriment and booming raucous laughter, caught up by events, we added politicians!!

We also, for reasons I won’t go into here, whilst being shown his private chapel, discovered that he had excommunicated himself from the Catholic Church, so at times some quite heavy stuff. It was indeed during one such heavy session of deep discussion about corruption in politics and trying to put the world to right, that Monsieur announced “I am going to change the subject now. I love the sixties songs of an artist called Ricky Nelson and recently my nephew has discovered a website of his lyrics including my favourite song, I was then so excited that I danced around the room with a chair!! So now, I know all the words of the song and understand most of what it is about, but there is just one part I cannot grasp – maybe you can help!!” He went on to say that this one line said “Yes Sarray” and did we know what it meant? By a process of elimination, Linda finally got it, the actual phase was Yes Sirree!!, but then we had to explain what it means, without the context of the rest of the lyrics, and try it at home – it’s quite difficult!! Eventually, after explaining it is some sort of exclamation, I decided to put it into context and ended up saying it was the sort of expression that a cowboy would make, when excited by something and accompanied by a firm slap of the thigh!!! More booming raucous laughter ensued at the time and most other times when we met during his visit and with a glint in his eye and a slap of his thigh, he informed me that he was perfecting his “Yes Sirree!” to try out on his friends back home in Spain!! So, should you have occasion to visit western Spain and come across a Frenchman impersonating a Spaniard, impersonating a Cowboy heartily slapping his thigh whilst singing a Ricky Nelson song and dancing with a chair – say hello from us!! You see, returning to the theme it’s still all happening “Down our street!!!”

“Clever Words”

• Laurens van der Post: “The fire had died down to a great coal pinned like a crimson rose to the dark earth.” We had a fire “down our street” in the garden the day Max died and stared into the flames deep in thought.
• William Vanstone: “The church is like a swimming pool – all the noise is at the shallow end.” With apologies to my religion friends, but as I said – my “church” is “down our street” in the woods or the wide open spaces!
• From “Under the Tuscan Sun” by Frances Mayes: “A Chinese poet many centuries ago noticed that to re-create something in words is like being alive twice.” It also can be very therapeutic from the street I’m in!
• Picking up the nature theme, Brian Redhead, late President of the Council for National Parks: “Not ours, but ours to look after.”
• Hassidic proverb: “What soap is for the body, tears are for the soul.”
• Perhaps fitting at the end of this slightly “off on a tangent” missive, Abraham Lincoln: “Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

My original “thought!”

Thank you for all your kind words after the last “inter-missive!” They made me cry, partly because they made me think of Max and remember he was no longer with us, but also, to know that he had meant a lot to others whose lives he had touched. An obituary for a dog may have seemed strange, but it was part of the healing process largely composed whilst walking in the curative countryside all around us, for a sadly missed member of the family. In the words of an Eric Bogle song, Elizabeth’s Song, regarding a baby daughter that he and his wife lost early in her life:
“So please won’t you talk about her, Don’t be afraid of how we’ll feel.
You won’t make the scars cut deeper, You can only help them heal.”

So, when we see you please DO talk about him, but don’t initially be surprised if we burst into tears or disappear quietly!

Some of you have enquired as to what has happened to him, well he has as I write this returned home, at least his ashes have and he will be returning to Stroud, where he lived most of his life, in due course.

Kind regards, Best Wishes and Love, Roger and Linda

(Little did I know that Max’s last comment would indeed be his last, however, Max says good-bye not au revoir and wouf wouf or woof woof to all his furry friends. And, asks you to keep an eye on the folks and look after them for him, they’re a bit fragile at the moment)

And maybe to come next time? We’re back to “Researching” Barbie Dolls and Chilli Pasta!!

Now we are two

Click on the link below and then click to go to the full version of "Now we are two" complete with some pictures of Max:

http://cid-42bedc71a8702824.skydrive.live.com/self.aspx/.Public/One%20Year%20On%20%5E4The%20Why%5E4.pdf#resId/42BEDC71A8702824!150

Be patient as it takes a little while to download!!