Follow the star! ~ Missive 14

Jan 2010

Dear All

Hopefully you will find Missive 14 attached, and it’s a bumper one after the last rather short one!!

So, I’ll say no more to give you plenty of time to read the attached!!

Love

Roger


Vendee, FRANCE
rogerhiggs@hotmail.co.uk

Mes chers amis

Follow the star! ~ Missive 14

And you all thought that star following was a Christmas thing, but it’s now New Year, and after a not uneventful journey home, read on!! Once more relaxed and with time on my hands, back to a full length missive and for those of you who can’t wait “The Orgy” takes place on Page 4! I also need to do something physical, even if it’s only two finger typing, to keep warm!! We’ve returned, a day late having been snowed in at the Forest of Dean, to a smattering of snow and minus temperatures, but not quite as wintery as we left behind, from a very pleasant and busy festive season plus.

We were due to leave my parents in rural Gloucestershire on Wednesday 6th January 2010, having been to visit my Mum and Dad’s local the previous evening for a “bit of supper” and more importantly a pint of two of real English Ale, one of the very few things that I miss living in France – French beer can be very good, but .....!!! Then it snowed again, indeed snow, snow and more snow, making a trip to the pub impossible (fortunately, my Dad had a couple of bottles of Fuller’s London Pride, one of my favourites, so all was not lost!!) and the early start for an early afternoon sailing from Dover also not possible, not least because my parent’s drive is long, steep and very slippery in snowy conditions and the village roads hadn’t seen either a gritter or a snowplough! Careful studying of weather forecasts, where the advice was only to travel if absolutely necessary, further sealed our delay and with what looked like something of a window of opportunity in the middle part of the following day, we rebooked for a late afternoon crossing, hoping to leave after breakfast and arrive in Dover early enough to be put on an earlier crossing. We went to bed that night with fingers et al. crossed and were glad that the previous afternoon we had cleared the drive of snow and managed to park the already packed car at the bottom, as clear skies meant that the temperature had plummeted to minus 5 when we got up in the morning.

But, traffic was moving albeit gingerly down the village towards the main road, which I had walked down and checked the previous afternoon and found to be empty of snow and pretty well empty of traffic. So, without further fuss, we had a hasty breakfast and left quickly, promising to keep my parents posted as to progress at various stages – on the motorway, at Dover and conditions in France and quite expected to have to stop somewhere, for the night, as we made our way down the country to the Vendée.

The village was still very snowy, but fortunately as the cars the previous day had puckered up the snow, despite the plummeting temperatures of the previous night it hadn’t turned into a smooth skating rink, and before we knew it we were on the open road, the main road through to Chepstow and the motorway over the old Severn Crossing. Despite flowing freely, there were still some patches of ice, particularly on the edge of the road or where the road remained sheltered from any weak winter sunshine from the previous day and the minus 5 that we left in, paled into insignificance when just along the road the temperature dropped to minus 8.5 and we started wondering if a cosy house might have been a better option!!

But, the temperature crept back up, briefly before we hit a patch of thick fog and temperatures of minus 12 for a couple of miles passing Bath, but the rest of the M4 and M25 were reasonably uneventful, and although in many places the snow still lay in the fast lane the general lack of traffic meant that this didn’t really cause a problem. The only other problem was that the windscreen washer had stopped working and the wet road surface and salt that kept being thrown up, smeared the window and as for much of the journey we were into the sun did cause some visibility problems. Pulling of onto an icy hard shoulder, which many cars had to do, was somewhat hazardous but necessary to splash water over the window. A useful travel tip, seen on the journey – a washing up liquid bottle full of screen wash, which can be directed out of the window (AT LOW SPEED OR WHEN IN A TRAFFIC QUEUE - H & S!!) is much easier than just an ordinary bottle and less likely that the water will end up travelling up your sleeve!! Obviously, the conditions also brought out the true “British spirit” as when on one stretch of road we experienced a Traffic Officer stopping the traffic with a rolling road block, we think to allow the removal of a previous minor accident, everyone took the opportunity of being stationary to wash windscreens and people were sharing water, cloths and squeegees, when the driver of breakdown lorry that had just picked up a broken down car on the hard shoulder jumped out and went down the lines of cars pouring water onto their windscreen for them to wash off the smears. As the traffic started moving again this act of kindness meant that the breakdown lorry was courteously signalled into the carriageway – no hooting of horns, waving of fists or speeding up to stop them getting in!!

The previous day must have been worse and we were amused to see that some stranded motorist, had to pass the time of day made a large snowman on the hard shoulder of the M25, presumably when traffic had come to a standstill and there was no danger from passing cars! Our main concern at this point was that the traffic bulletins on the radio were suggesting more snow and reporting that accidents on both sides of the M20 to Dover were snarling things up and advising drivers to not travel that way if at all possible. For us it was too late, but the Dover bound carriageway was moving freely, but we were thankful not to be heading towards London where an accident had meant that the central barrier was being repaired and two lanes closed – the ensuing tailback was long as this seemed to be the busiest stretch of road we encountered on the whole journey.

Interestingly, the worst roads on the English side were when we got to Dover harbour, where little or no attempt seemed to have been made to clear anywhere, with the only road being visible where previous vehicles had helped the snow to melt – it was very much a case of following in one another’s tyre tracks and the still bitterly cold weather was too much for the French border control, who waved us through without opening their window or so much as setting eyes on our passports!! We then lined up on a snow field waiting to board an earlier ferry as we had arrived in Dover well ahead of schedule. We were a little worried as the lorries waiting to board the next Sea France sailing were all getting stuck and having to be dug out or have salt and grit put under to wheels to get a purchase. One lorry even had to be pushed out by a JCB that put its front bucket up against the back of the lorry and managed only after much wheel spinning, on the part of the JCB, to get the lorry going!! Fortunately, cars didn’t seem to be having so much trouble, so we drove on very easily, but sailing was delayed by the loading of the freight vehicles.

We had an excellent crossing, made great time and started to unload in Calais well ahead of schedule, only to be confronted by a series of fairly short, but very heavy hail storms, that due largely to the smaller volume of traffic on French roads, caused very quickly both lanes to be white over and potentially very slippery, so speeds had to be adjusted accordingly and the journey consequently became “longer!” Fortunately, the hail bounced off the windscreen and so visibility wasn’t too much of a problem and the lack of traffic, whilst not melting the hail on the road surface, did mean there was less to watch out for or indeed to try and overtake.

We had made the decision to travel back a different way, nearer to the coast, as the forecast had said temperatures inland would be colder, and by and large the journey was reasonably uneventful. But the services at Caen, where we stopped for petrol had over six inches of snow and clearing it hadn’t been a priority so led to some interesting manoeuvres, not least because in places it was hard to see where the road actually went!! Interestingly, the only snowploughs we saw were on the other side of the road!! In between the hail showers, which thankfully became fewer as we got further south, we travelled through a rather cold (minus 10 just north of Fougere) but beautiful starry night, and both had a wonderful view of the most staggering shooting star we have ever seen. It seemed to go down the road in front of us for several seconds and the front was large and clearly had flames trailing behind it. I certainly took it as an omen, directing us safely home, and wonder if our wishes were the same?

After about 7 hours of travelling since leaving Calais, the time it would normally take to get home, we came off the periphique (ring road) at Nantes onto the homeward stretch and in front of the car a large shadow crossed the road, materialising into the most enormous sangier or wild boar, which proceeded quite nimbly to climb the bank on the side of the road and disappear into the night, a wondrous sight and a first for both of us, but we were both pleased we hadn’t been a little earlier, as it was a big creature and had we hit it, it would have caused a lot of damage to the car!!

The final cross country section from St Hermine, about 10 kilometres, was slightly interesting as it had obviously snowed and the snow had melted from where the sun had shone on it but not from where it had remained in shadow, so icy patches was the order of the last weary miles. Finally, at two thirty in the morning, 8 ½ hours from Calais, we pulled into the very wintery drive of our house, the temperature registered minus 5, exactly the same as we had left Gloucestershire in, the previous morning, so the first job was to get the heating turned up!! Surprisingly, it wasn’t then straight to bed, needing first to unwind a little; unpack the car, have a coffee, open the pile of mail including many Christmas cards that had arrived after we had left for England, before finally going to bed – the bedroom now having warmed up a little. Needless to say we didn’t rise too early the next morning!!

Black dots on a world map!

I have been really lucky in life to have been able to travel to many of the four corners of the globe, sometimes in interesting conditions as above, although there are plenty of unexplored corners that remain on the to do list, lottery win permitting!! If like Victoria, I were to get a world map and stick black dots onto all the places I’ve visited it would be really quite impressive, but I’m 54 next birthday, and Victoria’s map is truly impressive for one so young and is shortly to have China added!! This will be the culmination of her TEFL course and she is going to teach English to Chinese children for six months prior to hopefully starting her Teacher Training in England. And, when it comes to “continent count”, Victoria won’t count the fact that in the olden days of BOAC (The forerunner of BA for those of you under a certain age) my brother and I several times came down for refuelling on the African continent en route to Singapore, and had to leave the aircraft, so is one up on me at the moment!! She only has Australia / Oceania and Antarctica to go and one of these is nearly in the pipeline! She might indeed already be saving to expand her travels into space, on second thoughts as prices stand this probably isn’t compatible with being a teacher!!

Even in my lifetime, oh josh I’ve used that rather hackneyed expression, the world has certainly become a smaller place and people, I’m sure fuelled by the incredible documentaries that we now see about exotic places and species – Palin through to Attenborough, people want to have their own experiences and travel has become cheaper and easier, albeit often carbon heavy, although this has in turn led to the growth of ethical travel and offsetting ones carbon footprint.

It’s therefore something of a surprise, although not that uncommon to still find people in England who have never visited London, or even the odd Forester who is happy to visit Gloucester, the County Town but Cheltenham, whoa, that’s another matter!! Which, just goes to reinforce just how lucky I have been!

Oh! Did I take my clothes off!!

Occasionally of late and more frequently at one time, I would bump into people who said: “I’m sure I know you – yes I’ve seen one of your assemblies!” I would then ask them if during the assembly I had kept my clothes on or not and dependant on their reaction to this, I would have some idea as to which assembly they had seen or not. Let me explain! From when I became Deputy Head and had a responsibility (oh gosh is that what it was!!) to do more than the odd class assembly, I decided that religious assemblies could be done by someone else and mine would deal, sometimes in a roundabout and slapstick way with moral issues. They began to involve dressing up, audience (child or adult) participation and led to the weekly use of a catchphrase that caught on and is still remembered today – “Do you mind if I change!” Contrary to popular belief, this rarely although occasionally involved a sex change, but if the story involved a variety of animal characters or a dashing prince (not I hasten to add too difficult to achieve! “Oh yes it was! Oh no it wasn’t!” springs to mind but that’s another story or should that be pantomime – which who knows may not be “Behind me!!”), it was better to dress the part and more convincing not to be there in smart trousers and collar and tie!

Well, moving on to greater things and becoming Head at Uplands led to further assemblies at this school and “guest” appearances elsewhere for Book Weeks or charity events such as Children in Need. One such “regular” booking was at a school across the valley at the top of the hill from Uplands, where the then Headteacher, who found relaxing into the role none too easy, kept surprisingly inviting me back!! The stories started with a return to the old catchphrase “Do you mind if I change” which brought back memories for one member of staff who remembered it first time around and involved such zany antics as refusing to tell a story until I had had a cup of tea and breakfast, as I had rushed out of the house that morning, and then preceding to make them on a camping stove in the school hall. The smell of bacon although wonderful was nothing compared to the look on the faces of the staff sitting around the hall!! There were then several more years of visits with lots of audience participation, culminating, I thought, in a whole staff pantomime, unrehearsed and indeed sprung on the staff as a complete surprise, something I did in a number of different schools over the years – often having to come up with cunning plans to maintain the element of surprise! The children loved it, so I think secretly did the staff although they would never admit it! So, I was moving out of Stroud to the big city, Gloucester, and thought that the pantomime was to be the last at this particular school. The Head duly thanked me, said that she didn’t know how I could follow that and thinking it was my last performance I rather glibly said “Oh, it will have to be The Emperor’s New Clothes” and thought nothing more of it.

Imagine then my surprise, nay horror, when I returned from a meeting some months later to be told that said Head had phoned and would I phone them back as they had a favour to ask!! Before they answered the phone I had a strange foreboding, and I was right to have had it as I was duly asked back to do another Book Week story. No mention was made of any emperor’s or indeed their new clothes, but I had a nagging feeling that it hadn’t been forgotten and to let my audience down would have been unforgiveable!! So, the story about a piece of wood was hatched, to keep the element of surprise and make them think I’d forgotten my throwaway quip! The story was basically all about a piece of wood that was cut off a larger piece of wood that held up the shower curtain in my bathroom. Not perhaps a scintillating story line, but educational as it told the story of the piece of wood from seed to sapling to tree to fence post to shower, and ended up with me minus most of my clothes in the shower singing “I’m singing in the rain!”, just when the telephone rang! Wrapped in a large towel, unfortunately not very well “fastened” towel I left the shower to answer the phone and conveniently lost the towel and was left with very red cheeks – well it was close to Red Nose Day!! A hasty jump back behind the shower curtain spared too many blushes and a fun time was had by all!?! And furthermore the ending was fairly similar to The Emperor’s New Clothes,” so honour had been maintained.

As I was shortly to leave my first Headship at Uplands and go to Gloucester, and it still being close to Red Nose Day I decided to do a repeat performance as part of my farewell!! I now have a lovely folder with “accolades” from all of the children, most of which make mention of how they remember when I took off ALL my clothes in assembly. For the record, it may have seemed like it as the red underpants were fairly scanty and the final scene very very brief – barely (sorry!!) time to focus the eye!! But, as my mother pointed out, as she was looking through my leaving gifts, I would need to be careful who I showed the folder to, particularly if I wanted to work again!!
So two showings down and the following Red Nose Day, I just couldn’t resist a repeat performance for my new school. If the staff didn’t think I was mad before they certainly did afterwards and were also mighty glad that the story didn’t require audience participation!!

Was I then amused or alarmed to read recently in the education pages (yes I know it’s sad, but on the other hand it keeps me informed and reminds me of what I’m not missing – how often reports raise a wry smile and a silent “I told you so!!”) about a disciplinary case heard by the General Teaching Council, where a supply teacher, who it seemed had some discipline problems in one of his classes decided to restore order by doing a striptease, removing I hasten to add just the layers on his top half!! Not sure of the psychology behind this, but after a parental complaint, he was reprimanded and told he had made a severe error of judgement!! But, interestingly not one parent from any of the schools that experienced the “red nose” or should that be “red cheek” assembly seemed at all fazed, although some of the staff certainly were!!, but then I guess my “striptease” down to a pair of scanty red underpants was done in the name of “art” well at least charity, certainly not for maintaining discipline!! In fact it caused a good degree of disorder!!

There’s an orgy in our bedroom (And, what’s worse the Swiss gendarmes were involved!)

When we first moved into La Loge, in those far off sunny April days, we would most days be able to have our lunch outside on our gravel terrace, even if the evenings were still a little chilly unless we ate early. Whilst luncheoning we noticed that the walls were alive with small lizards, enjoying the sunshine, but nervously darting away should you get to close and often engaged in what could only be decribed as “rough play,” but as they seemed to enjoy it and kept coming back for more could have been altogether more carnal, after all it was spring! Then, enjoying a similar pastime were quite simply thousands of small (half centimetre or so) black and red beetles who maybe weren’t joined in holy matrimony, but were certainly joined and remained so for some time!! I use the word “enjoying” but I guess we’ll never know, and for one of the creatures, it could be less than enjoyable as the procedure involves a good degree of walking around, and for one of them it’s backwards!!

As the summer turned to autumn, both the lizards and beetles dwindled and only occasionally, on particularly warm days would they be in evidence, until the colder weather made them disappear completely, to return we were sure next spring.

Well, all through the late spring, summer and early autumn, the great weather meant that we didn’t open the shutters to our bedroom, but kept the window wide open for ventilation – you know it’s the old thick stone wall theory, cool in summer and warm in winter, but this year getting it warm first on some of the colder days has proved something of a problem!!

It was really only after our return from visiting England, late October / early November, that we found that the window needed to stay shut during the day and be opened a little at night for ventilation and even that stopped in the depths of winter, as having had an exceptionally hot and dry extended summer, the winter has proved to be “pay back” time – exceptionally cold, frosty with thick ice on the ponds and a smattering of snow on the fields! But at least we will have seen the Vendée in all its many guises, some that we prefer to others.

But back to our return in early November, with the nights closing in and the window often stayed shut. But, whilst unpacking I found that the bedroom light didn’t give me enough light to be able to see into the wardrobe and put things away properly, so as the sun was shining outside I decided to open the window and throw back the shutters and flood the room with some winter sunshine and give it a bit of an airing. Imagine then my surprise to find each of the areas adjacent to the shutter hinges tightly packed with a writhing mass of a hundred or more of these small black and red beetles seemingly all having thrown their keys into the middle of the room, but not waited to see who picked their’s. Quite simply, there were in fact four orgies, one by each of the hinges – perhaps it was darker there and they would be less likely to be recognised by their friends- going on, and it was only because I didn’t want them all deciding to come into the bedroom that I picked up the nearby fly swat, and feeling something of a spoil sport, carefully ushered them off the shutter and onto the ground below. I hope no-one thought I was going to swat them!, no rather I hoped that they could regroup and continue their fun out of sight of my innocent and pure eyes!! But, they weren’t having it, they over the next few days – what staying power! – kept regrouping each time I brushed them away, back on the shutter hinges!!! In the end, I had to learn to live with it, adapt to my new environment and live and let live!! Oh!! I nearly forgot the Swiss gendarmes, quite simply I’ve been told they’re always up for a good party ........!! No seriously, the black and red beetles are known as Swiss gendarme beetles, I guess their marking do look a bit like a uniform – but perhaps let’s not go there!!

Some more French bureaucracy!

We thought we had cracked the caravan registration back in September, having been on line, completed a lengthy dossier of all the required items – registration document, photos showing position of lights, dimensions, certificates of conformity for anything that needed it (gas appliances, electrical systems etc. etc.) as well as a certificate from Bailey Caravans, conveniently in French as well as English, saying that the whole caravan was constructed to current EEC standards, only to have it returned, when the inspector returned from his six week holiday, with a checklist of required items, of which about five things were missing!!

The offending items were then dealt with and we returned to the DRIRE Office with the now enlarged and weighty dossier, happy that we would be able to make an appointment to have everything that we had certificated checked to make sure it was certifiable!! (€85), to then get another certificate to take to the licensing office to be issued with a final certificate to say that the caravan meets EEC Regulations (€54). I should mention that in France, unlike England where caravans aren’t registered, caravans and large trailers are subject to an MOT type procedure, where you have to do all the paperwork for someone else to sign, at great expense!! Unfortunately, and we should have realised that it wasn’t going to be that easy, the check list that we had previously been given was in fact a form to fill in, with 20 tick boxes, relating to all the information that was already in the dossier! So we, somewhat despondently returned home, spent a considerable time deciphering the form which was in technical French with no translation, and is very repetitious in places. One of the “questions” used the word “direction,” for which Yahoo Translate conveniently came up with 22 different meanings – but unfortunately none of them fitted and made sense!! The form was then completed and we made some further amendments, to clarify several of the points and included a covering letter to explain one or two or the items – such as the fact that the Certificate of Conformity actually certified that the caravan met the necessary standards in ALL areas and posted this off before we returned to England at the end of October.

Imagine then our surprise to return and find the dossier had once more been returned, and whether it was because the inspector took offense at what I thought was a polite and helpful covering letter, or simply that nothing in /France is easy, the inspector was now asking for twice as many points of clarification as in his initial letter! With Christmas looming the process has rather ground to a halt, and I’m slightly worried to send it back again, in case even more points of clarification appear!!

Even my computer is seems to be finding French bureaucracy laughable – that’s if you don’t start crying and tear out what little hair you have left first!! On the day of the last bit of form filling, the “French Word of the Day” on my internet home page was “divertissement” meaning entertainment – Ha, Ha, very funny!!

I’ll keep you posted on developments, but before you ask it’s perfectly legal to tow an English caravan around France with an English registered car, but illegal to tow an English caravan, without its own French registration number – different to the car! – with a French registered car. So we will still have to work out how to get the caravan to the testing station once the paperwork is all in order, without breaking the law!! This saga could run and run and rival that of Phonezilla and France Telecom, although ......... as I write this we are waiting for a France Telecom Engineer to come and sort out our internet connection that was down when we returned from Christmas!!!

“Clever Words”

• Captain Webb of Channel swimming fame: “Nothing great is easy.”

• Chinese proverb: “Every dawn signs a new contract with existence.”

• Russian proverb (seen in The Porterhouse pub, Dublin): The church is near, but the path is icy. The pub is far, but I’ll walk carefully!” If you get a chance sample the Porterhouse stout, it certainly gives Guinness a run for its money, and is well worth a careful walk!! The Porterhouse brewery had (2007) a couple or more pubs in Dublin, one in Bray just outside the city, but accessible by city buses and one in Covent Garden, London.

• Salvador Dali: “The problem of the youth of today is that one is no longer part of it.”

• Erma Bombeck: “A child needs your love most when he deserves it least.”

• Nelson Mandela: “Vision without action is merely dreaming. Action without vision is just passing the time of day. But combine vision and action – you can change the world.” He certainly did!

My original “thought!”

I used to have a handle on life, it broke! But now I’ve mended it!!

Kind regards, Best Wishes and Love, Roger, Linda and Max

(Brrrr.......!! Wouf, wouf, with the cold weather I’ve been keeping my head down and trying to only go out if need’s must. But they’ve got this New Year keep fit thing and keep dragging me out for walks. Actually, once I’m out I quite enjoy it, but had a bit of a shock when I went to drink from the lake and it had turned into a skating rink!!)

And maybe to come next time? “Ici, la et partout!” “Cattle herding” and “The Hunt is Up”

My glass half full or half empty! - Missive 13

31st December 2009

Dear All


Hopefully you will find Missive 13 attached, which really says it all! One of my shorter covering letters!


Love

Roger


Mes chers amis

My glass half full or half empty!

It’s usually the same old story when thinking about who is an optimist / positive person and who isn’t based on the saying above, or is it? If you see your glass as half empty, going down, you’re seen as being more negative than someone who sees their glass as half full – going up!! But, let me throw something else into the equation, after our own thinker, Victoria, started thinking or was that drinking!! It is really all dependant on whether the glass is being filled up or drunk!! – Think on!! Maybe, or maybe not this will set the scene of this the last missive for 2009! But, be it positive or negative, one thing is for sure if this is going to wing its way through cyberspace before Big Ben brings the first decade of the millennium to a close (amazing the bacon sandwiches and champagne on Rodborough Common, quite literally surrounded by the biggest and longest firework display I have ever experienced, was ten years ago!!), it’s going to be fairly short!! Also, due to constraints of time and energy – Christmas can be very sapping!, “More bureaucracy!” will have to wait until next time.

Wild Gourmet

When we first announced our intention to move to France for the “good life” and how we would have to grow our own food to survive it was something of a joke, now we’re not so sure!! But, going along with this, for my last birthday Daniel and Lisa gave me a wonderful book called “The Wild Gourmet” based on a previous Channel 4 documentary where Guy Grieve and Tommi Miers hunted and foraged their way across the UK for a year. Then for Father’s Day Victoria and Dermot gave me a National Trust book called Wild Food!

Then, as the garden blossomed and home grown fruit and vegetables became plentiful, so nature’s bounty also became plentiful and what better than to reach for the two books mentioned above and suddenly the glut of initially hedgerow cherries, elderflowers, plums and wild strawberries, followed by hedgerow elderberries, pears and apples, chestnuts, walnuts, hazelnuts, crab-apples blackberries, mint, chives and more started to develop into tasty morsels, with the possibility of more to come – sloe gin, hawthorn leaf salad, nettle soup and as I write this a bowl of strange looking medlars are picked and being naturally “bletted” or rotted ready to make into some delicacy!!

This has led on to “one of my projects” as Linda is prone to call them. I am now on the way to producing a personal “Wild Food Map,” highlighting the best hedgerows, verges, trees or woodland around La Loge, so as to be ready for each season as they arrive next year, so visitors for 2010 beware, who knows what special flavouring may be part of your meals! But, rest assured despite an overwhelming number of the most diverse fungi, a French identification guide and the possibility of taking samples into the local pharmacy to be told if they are edible or deadly poisonous, and in some cases it’s a thin dividing line!, we haven’t been brave enough!! So any fungi we serve up have been bought from the market or the supermarket.

But, who knows in time I might become like the bizarre sight I saw recently, when going for a walk in the nearby woods! A battered white van, so beloved of rural Frenchmen, pulled up and out got two fairly bulky Frenchmen, the youngest with a shaven head and both looking as though they would be more at home gracing the rugby fields of Perpignan or Stade de France. They then went around the back of the van opened the door and each took out a small wicker basket and walked off together into the woods! I’m sure in England their fungus foray would have caused a good degree of ribbing from their friends in the pub that night, but as the season continued this became a common sight as all Frenchmen, and it’s always the men, seem to have the knowledge fuelled by the passion for tasty food to identify at least a few “safe eats!”

Indeed, on one rather damp autumnal day, full of drizzle and mist, we finally managed our daily walk and met Michel the farmer, who asked if we were going to look for “champignons,” to which we replied that we were simply taking the air, but hoping that he might prove to be a mushroom expert, able to reliably identify the bountiful crop growing all around. We told him we were not confident enough to risk collecting the mushrooms and asked if he was an expert, to which he replied a definite “non” and said he only knew about four that could safely be eaten, but was obviously not confident enough to pass on this wisdom!

And now, in the height of the French hunting season, let’s hope that one day we return to the house and find a couple of partridges (not sure if they come in braces!) or better still a haunch of venison propped up outside the door – that really would be the “icing on the cake” as it were or should that be the food on the plate!

Toi Moi

Graffiti is uncommon, at least in rural France, but in one of our local towns on the side of a house that sticks out in front of you as you drive through is simply written, in large red letters, the two words “Toi Moi!” (You, Me) I can’t help but feel that this is altogether more refined and romantic than “Wayne 4 Stacy!” Also, this graffiti has possibly considerably longer shelf life as if allegiance changes and Wayne swops Stacy for Emma, it doesn’t require a repainting job!!

Keith Floyd and Eddie Izzard

A surprising and contrasting combination perhaps, but both made the front page of a national newspaper on a recent visit we made to England for my Mum and Dad’s 60th Wedding Anniversary. But, despite being very different they both made the news for incredible achievements, one in their chosen field, the other for a something far removed from what they are normally do. Sadly, in the case of Keith Floyd the headline was brought about by his somewhat untimely death, shortly after he had enjoyed a fine dining experience with a close friend and having just announced that he hadn’t felt this good for a long time. Rather a wry irony that shortly afterwards he were to die, but it did cause a huge outpouring of tributes from people across the culinary world, showing what a massive contribution this oft much maligned TV chef had actually made.

He was the first celebrity chef to take his kitchen outside into the open and to travel the world making succulent dishes inspired by the people and places he met along the way. The list of current celebrity chefs who said how much they owed Keith Floyd, be it directly or having worked with him is really impressive. Let them speak for themselves: Anthony Worral Thompson said of him: "I think all of us modern TV chefs owe a living to him. He kind of spawned us all." Marco Pierre White, told BBC radio Floyd "inspired a nation". Pierre White also said, "The thing which is very sad is a little piece of Britain today died which will never be replaced. He was a beautiful man, his ability to inspire people to cook just with his words and the way he did things was extraordinary. If you look at TV chefs today they don't have his magic. It's a very, very, very sad day for my industry and secondly for a nation." And, there were many more where these came from.

But what about Eddie Izzard, 47, best known as a stand up comedian, but also an accomplished actor? He has also learnt French to be able to take his comedy routine to France, and be successful at it – who said the French don’t have a sense of humour! Well on the day after that “a little piece of Britain died,” and reported on the same front page of the newspaper, Eddie Izzard, a transvestite comedian “prone to put on weight and never having run more than five miles before,” must have inspired and humbled the whole of the nation, as he completed a seven week “marathon” in aid of Sport Aid, running 43 marathons in 51 days, (at least 27 miles daily and a total of 1,166 miles). Of his achievement he said; “I don’t think what I did was amazing. Anyone can do it.” That, I think is both an understatement and debatable!! His epic achievement earned him a Special Award in this year’s Sport’s Personality of the Year.

Love or hate the work of these two great men, it’s impossible to belittle the achievements that they have both made, one leaving a lasting legacy the other with new and greater heights to scale. It’s the likes of Izzard and Floyd, and their eccentricities, which make the world a better and more interesting and fun place in which to live.

Tupperware

You escape to France leaving behind things like Fish and Chips, litter and cupboards full of Tupperware only to find at the local Foire de Marrons, Chestnut Fayre, amongst all the local produce, traditional crafts and brocante, that there’s a Tupperware lady with a table bulging with all the usual range of utensils and containers in this year’s must have colours and shapes – so that’s why people, including Linda, have cupboards full of unused Tupperware, unused and so last year!!!

We’ve also discovered an enterprising English family, who discovered a niche for a mobile fish and chip van – “The Vendée Chippie” – which for a few days each week travels around some local bars who have agreed to provide the tables and the bar! We have tried it once, in the cause of research!, and how civilised, fish and chips in paper sitting in the sun lit garden of a local bar drinking Guinness and they were the best fish and chips we have had for many a year – perhaps there are some English things that we miss, not only the beer!!

We had hoped to surprise the family on Family Weekend, when tradition dictates that on the Friday evening we all arrive and then send someone out for Fish and Chips! We were going to wait for everyone to arrive and pop down the road for something traditional, the hope being that our visitors would be waiting for something traditionally French and then surprise them with English Fish and Chips!! The plan was almost set when the frier remembered that he wasn’t going to be there on said evening, as he was holidaying in England, no doubt checking up on the opposition!!

“Clever Words”

• Many of you will know about my opinion of Delia Smith, and may remember my quip about her recent MBE, was it awarded for being patriotic or patronising!! Well, for Christmas my Mum and Dad bought me a book by Michael Booth, called “Doing without Delia, Tales of Triumph and Disaster in a French Kitchen” in which he says “But for me a good French market is Disneyland, the Louvre, a Caribbean beach and a bungee jump all wrapped up in one: pleasure, art, relaxation and stimulation.” But, please don’t tell Ms Smith otherwise she might do a “Delia’s French Fancies” special – Mon Dieu ~ non, non, non!!!

• “There are two types of teacher: the kind that fill you with so much quail shot you can’t move, and the kind that just gives you a little prod behind and you jump to the skies.” Robert Frost 1874 – 1963
• “Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible.” Dalai Lama
• “When you have a dream, you’ve got to grab it and never let it go.” Carol Burnett

Today’s heartfelt thought:

“Happy New Year to All My Readers . May the New Year bring you Peace, Health and Happiness!”

or

Bonne Année à tous mes lecteurs. Que la nouvelle année vous apporte Paix, Santé, et Bonheur!

Kind regards, Best Wishes and Love,

Roger, Linda and Max

(Roger’s writing this from the frozen wastes of England, with temperatures hovering around zero all day and plummeting at night and frozen snow on the bare pads is no fun!! Particularly as I’m told back home the temperature is a pleasant 15° and there are tractors waiting to be chased!!)

And maybe to come next time?

“Black dots on a world map!”
“Cattle herding” and
“There’s an orgy in our bedroom!”

That last one will keep you guessing and waiting with baited breath for Missive 14!!