A couple of Roger’s short ramblings!

Some prat just phoned!

Must just tell you this one, but first a little background.  Good friends of ours, who may well read this but will remain anonymous to all but those who know them – it will be obvious!

They used to own a rainforest, but facing outrage, fury and indignation they have cut it down, lock, stock and barrel or should that be; trunk, Tarzan and chip!  What’s more much of it, shock horror, has gone or is destined for a local charity so no chance of the “phoenix rising from the ashes!”  I should explain that this rainforest was a small part of a small Gloucestershire town, in which our friends had created said rainforest in their sitting room!!  It almost defies description and it is some time since I have sat on the tiger skin throw on the settee clutching a drink in one hand and a furry gorilla in the other, having been known to have long meaningful, late night discussions with this dark beast with even darker knowing eyes!  But, for those not fortunate enough to go jungle trekking, I’ll attempt to give you just a flavour of this iconic room!

Not a huge room but filled to overflowing with anything jungly, be it ornaments arranged on any and every surface or hanging from the camouflage net that hung covered in felt leaves billowing from the ceiling – blow up snakes, wooden animals, soft toy animals, pictures, plastic nicks and nacks “carrying on the theme” or simply gaudy, plants (real or otherwise), animal skin rugs, an eclectic mix of furniture – ethnic, colonial, animal themed, gaudy and certainly not beige and functional!!  You might be beginning to build a picture, but exaggerate it a lot and you’ll be on the way!  The whole of the end wall contained a specially commissioned jungle scene with ruined buildings, trees, creepers and all things atmospheric. Then opposite this was originally a window and later opened onto a conservatory, which you might by now have realised, was certainly not conservative, the jungle creeping into it!  In the corner, one side of the opening into the conservatory was a curved and relatively gaudy bar, the top of which under the counter had a glass fronted illuminated display cabinet full of items that continued the theme, all looked over by a life size Tarzan painted into a scene on the wall behind the bar.

Every other bit of wall space was covered with a multitude of pictures and artefacts all “in keeping” with the general theme and the diverse, miscellaneous, zany totality of this room of pure escapism.  I still feel I might not be doing this extravagant work of pop art due justice!  Suffice to say, I remember the first time I visited, and although having been pre-warned, I walked in and was quite simply blown away and amazingly for me momentarily lost for words!!  It was that arresting, impressive, eye-catching, striking and stunning – thank you thesaurus!

However, you might wonder why I’m briefly (!) telling you all this, well it’s to set the scene!  Having been told by mutual friends that the jungle had been deforested, and once more been rendered momentarily speechless, I decided that the only course open to me was direct action!  Putting on my best “early evening canvasser” voice, I phoned the perpetrators of this dastardly, environmental disaster and simply asked “What are your views on the cutting down of the rainforest?”  Fortunately, phoning from France comes up as an international call and has more than once made people a little suspicious, thinking call centres in India no doubt, so my cunning disguise worked a treat.  However, I wasn’t expecting the next chain of events, when my friend obviously taken in hook line and sinker, quite rudely (a man after my own heart when it comes to evening telephone canvassers!!) said: “I thinks it’s a great idea and should be done more often!!  He then put down the phone on me before I got the chance to come clean!!

I phoned him straight back and to avoid a further tirade of his unenvironmental rantings, said quickly as soon as he picked up the phone – “Hello, it’s Roger!”  To which he replied, in all seriousness, “Thank goodness for that, I’ve just had some prat on the phone talking about deforestation and I gave him short shift about how I think it’s a great idea and how they should do more of it  and I can’t stand it when these pompous do-gooders phone up in the evening and pontificate about this, that and the other ............,” and after several minutes of unevironmental and probably non-PC rantings, with me trying to get in I finally did manage to say “That prat was me!!”   It rather took the wind out of his sails and his wife chuckled loudly in the background.

But, alas I then found out it was indeed true the jungle was gone, the house about to be sold, but was relieved to learn that the next house somewhere nearby would not just be any old house it had to feel right – I’ll just watch this space!!  Perhaps, as they’ve vowed never to set foot in France again after a somewhat eventful holiday, might I suggest a French boudoir theme; I could then visit and have a late night meaningful conversation with a French ...............

Poodle!?!, and then maybe a French bistro for the kitchen, where I could enjoy becoming acquainted with a French tart or two!!  

And whilst on matters French .......

Missed opportunity 

I recently read this in a book and couldn’t help but feel it was a little surprising that the French weren’t making a little more of this during the current Euro crisis and as entente hasn’t recently perhaps been as cordiale as normal!

In pre-Revolution France and originating from Roman times, livres and sols were coins in common usage and with the smallest coin then being a denarius, from which comes our pre-decimal “l  s d,” pounds (£), shillings and pence, rather than a hallucinatory substance!!

As if that isn’t enough of an affront!, when the Normans came to England, they used their own coinage marked with a star.  The Norman French for star was “esterlin” which in turn became the origin of Sterling!  That’s another in the eye for Harold!!